Best Friends ??

Say Something

I walked towards the bedroom door, with my head down, I felt the hot tears run down my eyes, That's it, I thought, there's no way, I can't be around him anymore without thinking about how badly I want him, but he would never want to be with someone like me, I mean, I'm not a super model like the girls he follows on instagram.

I felt a pair of hands on my waist, I sighed loudly, I didn't want to turn around and face him, I couldn't

- Don't go, why don't you tell me what's going on," Lando said in a low, husky voice.

- I want you - was all I managed to say, so low that I didn't think he heard me

He hugged me from behind, hard enough, and gave a brief kiss on my shoulder, I shivered and sighed.

- I heard what you said about me tonight at the pub - He said still hugging me - I shouldn't, I know, but I wanted to know

- How did this happen ? - I was horrified, I mean, he heard everything I said, even the part about having feelings about him

- Charlotte never hung up her phone after talking to Charles, we heard the rest, it wasn't her fault, it was ours.

- Is that why you're doing this? Out of pity? - More tears ran down my face, this time out of shame

- Look at me - he said making me turn to him - Why have you never said anything to me before?

- You are my best friend Lando, you are my whole world ..... - I lowered my head so I wouldn't have to look at him, in his eyes - I couldn't risk losing that, even if it meant my own unhappiness ...

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, my heart sinks more and more, I had ruined everything, I lost everything because of a stupid feeling

- Don't worry, I won't stay

- What you mean ? - He was still so close to me, his smell was mesmerizing

- I'm leaving Lando, far away, to deal with all this and get on with my life

- What about me ?

- You'll be fine Lando, will find someone to replace me

- You are not replaceable Amy

- Don't make me stay Lando, please, it's too painful, too shameful

- Give me a chance to try Amy, you are ignoring me all night, and I wouldn't even know the reason if not for insistence

- Lando, if you felt something for me, you would have said something, but you didn't say anything, what do you want me to do? to pretend that nothing happened? that everything is the same? Well, it's not for me

- You didn't give me time Amy, damn it, I don't know what I feel for you because I never allow myself to feel any differently about you - He was still so close, but at the same time so far - I avoided thinking of you romantically because I knew we would never be a couple, or at least I thought

He was silent again for a few seconds, until he looked at me again and said 

- I blocked out all my thoughts about how beautiful you are, about how only you make me laugh in my worst moments, about how much I wanted to be better for you, about all the times I just wanted you and nothing more, about how you make me happy even if you don't know it, about how i love the smell of your hair, or the touch of your hands, your voice, about how i love everything about you.  I didn't let myself think about how much my life belongs to you, and how much my heart needs you, I couldn't think these things Amy, because if I thought about it, I would realize that I'll never be good enough for you, and one day, you will find someone who is and eventually would leave me.