Eddy was awakened by his phone's ringing at 8.30.
It was Brett.
-Hi Bruh, how're you feeling?
-Eddy, they're gonna start chemotherapy, at 12 o clock. I'm so scared. Can you please come?
-Of course I will, do you want me to bring you anything?
-Some music? I'll have to be sitting there for 3 hours, I need warm clothes and entertainment and I want you to make me a playlist. That way I don't have to search on YouTube for each track. I can't wrap my head around doing that myself right now.
-Ok, what kind of music do you want?
-Surprise me. You know what I like.
-Yeah, some WAP and BTS right?
Eddy loved hearing Brett's snorting.
-I'll be there at 11.30.
-'Kay.
Eddy had to stop himself from saying he loved him. He had to find the right time and place to do that. It would just.. feel so nice if he could end the phonecall that way.
Maybe some day...
-Cut it out Eddy.
He had to quit this dreaming. He didnt know at all how Brett felt for him. He's probably not even gay.
Eddy suddenly realised they had never talked about these things. Brett never had a real girlfriend though, that HE knew about. He knew Brett liked girls, they had been discussing them sometimes. And Brett had been in love, on some dates, but... didn't seem to fit right in. The last years growing 2 adults, Eddy hadn't even thought about Brett having any sexual preferances at all. He hadn't really given anything away these years. Since like... Eddy tried to think back. Since he got his girlfriend, who he had dated for a couple of years, Brett had never shown any sign at all being either homo or not. They both had just disappeared into music together these years. Yeah, and gaming. Like, living in a kind of fantasy together, not taking the world outside quite in.
Eddy didn't mind thinking about himself as a bisexual, he knew he always had been, and his feelings for Brett had grown as he felt them two growing together.
After they started their channel 7 years ago, almost living together for periods, they kinda... belonged together. Like... is this a kind of relationship already? He thought to himself. I mean, we do everything together...
Only thing missing is that physical part. Allthough, they got that too more than any other straight friends he knew about. As if... they already were a couple, but like, not? Because it wasn't an official thing anyway.
Eddy could feel a beginning headache pounding.
Yeah, 9.30, and he was tired already. Great.
Tired from all this thinking. Hard thinking. It was hard NOT TO though. As he made the mix for Brett, so many memories from all these pieces washed over him. It was hard to deal with.
He hated himself for not telling Brett about his feelings before. But he was sooo afraid as well. Afraid of losing him. Brett was the most precious "thing" he'd ever had, and the thought of him being angry, disgusted, anything, by Eddy telling him... Eddy knew he couldn't live without their friendship and...
Here we go again....
Wow.
Eddy swallowed a panadol and tried to focus on SOMETHING ELSE. He couldn't.
Only 2 hours left before meeting him. The love of his life. He tasted those words. Tried saying them out loud for himself.
Brett-the love of his life.
Yes.
He was.
At the hospital, Brett couldn't feel anything else than that he was scared. Frightened. To death.
His anxiety was at maximum at the point he woke up, he was shivering and felt dizzy, his legs could barely carry him.
Only things he could think about was scary things, how he would be sick from this therapy, losing his hair probably, and the thought about what if this didn't work? Was he going to die? Slow and painful? Die from Eddy? What would Eddy do to live without him? Eddy would be devastated. And so would his family!
Brett was a little surprised by himself not thinking that much about his family really, just Eddy.
Eddy felt like his family, his closest.Is this how it is to be an adult?
Brett's whole head was spinning, he couldn't keep the track on all his thoughts. They made him tired. Tired of himself.
Why couldn't Eddy be here with him, all the time?
-Eddy, I need you... his thoughts went. He was so freaked out he couldn't keep his mind straight, suddenly the text was sent to Eddy's phone. He stared down at his own phone.
-Eddy I need you.
Sent.
What the fuck happened really?? What the hell was he doing???
The screen lit up. Answer from Eddy .
-I'm on my way.
Brett felt a tingling sensation inside. Allthough his fucked-up-mind, he could feel some blush spreading on his pale cheeks.
Eddy was leaving home right away just because Brett needed him. That was clear.
Brett' s mind felt foggy. He didn't know how it happened, these texts, but suddenly he found himself sending a heart. A simple ❤ to his buddy.
What happened to him? Was he losing it?
Was his head being screwed up already BEFORE the chemo??
He had never sent a heart to Eddy before, why should he?
What on earth would Eddy do with it?? OMG!
Screen lit up again. From Eddy.
A ❤ back.
Brett's mind went blank. He felt happy, somehow.... yeah, in love? There were butterflies in his stomach, but they were nice once. His dizziness felt more intense.
He closed his eyes, tried to control his breathing.
Deep down he knew Eddy loved him. Really LOVED him. He had known for quite some time, but they had never talked about it.
A nurse entered, bringing some breakfast. -You should try eating something. You'll get nauseous from the treatment. Eating a little bit will be helpful.
