One afternoon, I have found myself scrolling on my phone looking for the things to do, and out of boredom, I have found the chords and music app that I downloaded long ago.
So right then, I grabbed my guitar and start searching for song and playing them.
I stopped for a moment as I heard my nephew answering my sisters question about his school papers. He is home schooled by the way, due to pandemic that we are facing.
We were laughing on his answers as he doesn't know much about our dialect and used to use english words.
Then again I strum and stopped once more as my fingers starts to get hurt so I cut my nails to avoid further digging on my own skin.
After doing so, I strum and started to sing along. Voicing my feelings out with rhythm and blues until I got tired.
So I scrolled again and found the song that you dedicated to her. The song that I previously loved and unknowingly hated until today, I realized how bad it feels to listen to it.
This is the song that I wished someone would sing to me, but now, that wished has gone and becomes a stranger to my wishes to the point of hearing it is an earsore.
Yet, I am a little bit of a masochist so I tried the song and started singing without even realizing that my tears are already falling as I imagined you singing it to your mind while looking at her as if she's the only person you've ever seen.
As I sang the chorus part, I noticed my self sobbing while singing. Realizing how you even dedicate a song to her. And I remembered how you lurked to her for years. How you get crazy thinking of her. How you loved and loving her despite of not getting in touch. How you followed her with your lovingly eyes. And how you loved her even when she didn't do anything.
And that pains my heart. Knowing that you can love her despite of her not loving you back. While I was working on your love just to keep it.
And I realize something, you will only do what I say but you did not do what you want us to do together. As if you only followed my request, but not having your own.
How I wished you could do the same thing. Like how you wished to be with her. Like how you wanted to be with her. Like how you followed your heart, and how you even dedicated a song for her.
I stopped. I stopped strumming. I stopped singing. And I started sobbing.
Have you even dedicated a song for me? I guess, no.
-Azyle.
