Kitten (Brian&Leah,1)

41. The Fight

I say goodbye to Annie and walk home, deciding to stop by the garage first.

Brian is washing his hands when I make my way inside.

"Kitten." His lips curve upright when he spots me at the entrance. "I was about to go home to have lunch. Will you join me?"

I nod and kiss Brian on the lips. "Sure."

We walk to Brian's house, and as soon as we're in the kitchen, Brian heats up the food — roast meat and baked potatoes. The smell makes my mouth water, and the taste is so good we hardly speak while we eat.

"Mom said you talked to her," Brian tells me later when we sit on the couch with mugs in our hands.

"I did. Your mom helped me with some college stuff."

Brian smiles. "It's amazing. She told me you're thinking about studying in the city where Jim lives."

"The college is one of the best, and I might be able to afford it if they give me the grant without having to take out a loan."

"I'm proud of you. I think the degree you've chosen is something you'll enjoy."

"Thanks," I say, taking a sip of my coffee. Then, I study Brian's face and add, "It's not definite, though. We can look at other options and other colleges."

"It's your decision and your future, Kitten. I'll accept whatever you choose to do."

Brian's words make me uneasy. I peer at him again. He looks nonchalant as he sips his drink, leaning against the back of the couch.

"It's your future too, Brian." I hear myself say.

"I decided not to go to college years back, Kitten. I told you it wasn't for me."

"That was before."

"Nothing changed. I still think I'm better where I am now. I love my job, and I make good money. It's way more exciting than being a student."

"But what about-"

Brian studies my face. "What about what?"

"Me," I say meekly. "Us."

"What does it have to do with college? We're good, aren't we?"

"It has everything to do, Brian. What if I don't get accepted here and have to move away?"

Brian shrugs. "I would visit you. I have money; I would travel. If you think I will tell you to stay here for me, it ain't gonna happen. I'm not a selfish prick. It's your dream, and you should go for it."

"I thought we would go to college together."

"You should have asked me, Kitten. I told you the whole story. My experience with studies wasn't good. I don't wanna go through the same shit again. I'm okay for the first time in ages. I love this town and my friends."

"And me?" I ask, regretting it instantly.

Brian is quiet for several heartbeats. He doesn't look at me. His eyes are downcast, and he studies the contents of his mug, frowning.

He does everything but talk, and I know the answer to my stupid question is no. No, he doesn't love me. He loves his family, his friends, and this town, but not me.

"Leah, I- Shit. I wasn't expecting the question. Do you?"

I swallow, but my throat feels dry, regardless. "Do I what?"

"Do you love me?"

"I don't think that's the question you should ask me."

Brian shrugs. "You did."