I pull up outside of my house and I quickly wipe away my tears. I didn't put any makeup on today so I lightly pinch my cheeks to bring some color back to my face before plastering a smile on my face.
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I lock my car before I head into my house where I end up releasing a huge sigh. Suddenly my body feels heavier but I push through as I hear my daughter screaming happily and the walls that I'm trying to build come crumbling down.
I follow the noise to the living room.
A real smile makes its way across my face as I see my brothers, Christian and Quincy chasing Maya around with her dinosaur toys.
Maya looks so happy.
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I stand there for a minute, watching them have fun before Quincy and I lock eyes.
"Hey." He smiles as he walks over to me. "How was the appointment?"
He pulls me in for a hug and I keep a hold of him as he tries to pull away. I think he senses that something is wrong as his grip around me becomes tighter before I feel his lips on my head.
My siblings, I will never see them get married or have children.
"Luxe." Quincy's voice comes out concerned which catches the attention of Christian who looks over.
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"I'm sick." I inhale deeply before releasing. "I'm sick."
"MAMA!" Maya hears my voice and starts running over. "MISSED YOU!"
My brothers are frozen as they look at me in disbelief and I nod my head in confirmation as the tears start falling from my eyes. Maya wraps her tiny arms around my legs and I drop to my knees, pulling her into my arms.
"Mama, why are you crying?" She cups my face and I peck her lips.
"I'm just so happy to see you." I smile as I wipe my tears away. "I missed you so much."
"Missed you too." Maya presses her lips against my own and I savor it. "Love you."
"I love you more." I give her a squeeze which makes her laugh. "Go bring your princess toys, we'll have a tea party."
"Ok." Maya runs to the back of the room where her play box is located.
"Luxe." Quincy's voice cracks and I smile sadly at him as I stand up straight. I open my mouth before closing it as nothing comes out and both of my brothers engulf me in a hug.
I'll miss this.
---
For the last five minutes I've been staring at my husband as he does his night routine. He didn't realise but I was trying to memorise every little thing that he did and they way it made him feel when he looked in the mirror.
"You've been awfully quiet." Michael looks over at me while brushing his teeth and I continue to stare at him. "You alright?"
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I shake my head no but I don't think he notices as he bends down to spit in the sink. I stand there just watching him and he looks up to see me looking at him through the mirror.
He cleans his mouth out with water while watching me. Once he is done, he heads over to me and pulls us back into our bedroom.
Michael leads us over to the bed before he helps me sit down.
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"What happened at the hospital?" Worry sets in on his face and I watch as the creases on his forehead deepen.
"I'm sick." I drop the bomb. "Just like before, they don't know what's wrong but things don't look too good for me."
Michael just grabs me and pulls me into his arms.
I feel my heart as my husband begins to bawl his eyes out. As much as I want to be strong for him, I can't because I'm barely holding on but my husband needs me.
Do I lie?
Do I say that everything will be alright when we know that it won't?
I almost died the last time and we lost a pregnancy.
"I love you." My voice cracks as I look at the man that I love. "I love you so much."
"I love you." He smashes his lips against mine and my arms around wrap around him as we fall back on the bed.
"We've changed." I mumble as Michael starts kissing down my chest. "We aren't who we used to be."
"We're better." He tells me as we lock eyes. "We found eachother."
"Destiny." I mumble to myself.
I was supposed to be with Michael.
We always talk about being together forever but in this case, he will be the last man that I see and love.
