"Are you getting on the tram?" "No, I have to find my phone." He says this as if it's more important than speaking to me. I don't know what I'd expect after everything that has happened. As he walks away, I shake my head in an attempt to clear it. I consider sitting at the front of the tram where it is fuller. I decide against it: a small part of me is wishes he'd be able to catch this tram. I take a look around and my hope are crushed as he is nowhere to be seen. As I am waiting for the tram to depart, I can feel my breathing start to shorten. All I can think at this time is 'oh no, not here, and definitely not now! Please stop. Just breathe." This does nothing to aide my breathing. I look around in attempt to shift my focus onto anything else. He's here, well not here but he's running. He might make this tram.
The tram takes off and he starts sprinting. Before, a small part of me hopped hed makes it on the tram. Now, I don't want him here. I want to show him I am just fine and I cannot do that currently.
Much to my dismay, he jumps onto the tram. At first he seems as if he is going to sit elsewhere, but he ends up sitting one seat away from me. Almost as if he wanted to sit besides me but was afraid it would anger me. After all this time he still takes my personal feelings into consideration. I wouldn't. All of a sudden, my mind jumps to the past and I cannot get it out of my head. My breathing quickens. I can tell he is trying to say something to me but i don't comprehend it. I mentally cannot. He probably thinks I am ignoring him. He sighs and rests his arm on the arm rest. I am internally torn.
By this point I have what feels like a golf ball inside my throat, its constricting my breathing, making me want to cry. I want to ignore him but my subconscious knows he can help me, stop my rapid breathing even. I give in. I cannot speak, so I do the next best thing. I slowly grab his hand. He looks at me in surprise, The surprise fades as he understands what's going on. He moves to sit in the empty seat in between us and puts his arms around me. He starts talking to me, all I catch is,
" Breathe with me." I try to match my breathing to his. Slowly I can feel myself return to my normal breathing pattern.
" I am going to make sure you get home okay. Is that alright with you?" He asks me. I nod as I still don't trust my voice.
" I'll leave as soon as I know you are inside safe. Unless you want me to stay of course." I don't say anything. The rest of the ride is silent. I don't even realize we have come to my stop until he is picking up my bag. The walk to my house is silent. I unlock my front door and step in. He takes a step, hesitantly, into my living room and sets my bag down.
"I'll be going now. Stay safe TC."
"Wait!" He stops, looking surprised for the second time. I don't know what I'm saying. It is as if I don't have control over my own voice. "Stay please. That is if you want." I am nervous as I wait for a response.
"I would love to." He walks in and takes off his shoes and jacket. He hangs his jacket right where he used to, and it sends a punch to my gut thinking of what used to be.
" I do not have much planned today."
"I am just fine with that. Bed or couch?" He asks and I have forgotten there is so much he already knows about me. There is some comfort in him knowing my plans. It doesn't make sense to me as I cannot describe it.
"Bed." I say. We climb the stairs, and I belly flop onto my bed. He grabs the remote and makes himself comfortable.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks.
"No."
"What movie first?"
"How long do you plan on staying?"
"What do you mean?" I am mentally cursing myself at this point but I continue on.
"Well do you plan to stay for one movie? Or two? For instance, one movie can run anywhere from 90 to 120 minutes. That means if you stay for two you could stay anywhere from 180 to 240 minutes. That's anywhere from an hour and a half to possibly five hours." At this time I realize I am rambling. He doesn't say anything. Just pulls out his phone.
"I've cleared my schedule." He states with a stupid smile on his face.
