Scandal | H.S.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟒𝟏

    "Forget what I said, it's not what I meant. Well, I can't take it back, I can't unpack the baggage you left." I am suddenly reminded of the time McKenna suddenly ended the stunt, and I sent her those awful messages, it wasn't fair of me to do so.

I have never been so open and so vulnerable when writing a song, I hated what I did to McKenna, I really did. I have no explanation as to why I did what I did, and maybe it's why I'm so mad at myself.

    "What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around? I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling." I sang, and I could feel the tears as they started to blur my vision, and I could tell Mitch could notice too because my voice started to waver.

    "What if I'm down? What if I'm out? What if I'm someone you won't talk about? I'm falling again, kinda loosin' myself, just falling." I was a mess, and I didn't even write down the lyrics, or record what I was singing, but this was different than any writing process I have ever done. I was open, I was vulnerable.

    "I'm well aware, I wrote too many songs about you. Now the coffee's out, at the Beachwood Cafe, and it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say." The Beachwood Cafe was the only place I ever felt comfortable, especially with McKenna. It houses so many memories for McKenna and I, it's the place where we both fell in love, without the both of us even knowing.

    "What am I now? What if you're someone I just want around?" I finish singing, and instinctively press my thumb and forefinger to the bridge of my nose, trying to stop myself from crying. I feel Mitch pat my back, and I finally open my eyes, I didn't even know I closed them while I was singing.

    Songwriting has been so therapeutic for me, and I before I seem to always be holding back, but now? Now that I have finally been open to the thought of being vulnerable, and I have McKenna to thank for that.

    She has showed me that it's okay to be vulnerable.

    "Now that is a song!" Mitch exclaims which elicits a light chuckle from me. "Now, let's put on a show."

    Performing has always been my favorite part of my job, aside from the songwriting, singing my songs to a crowd of my fans always gave me this rush, and sometimes when I peer down and see their faces, I often see some crying, and it makes me realize how much I've connected to different people when it comes to my music.

    Mitch had evidently noticed how different I acted on stage, I was not as enthusiastic as I always was, I'm sure the fans had noticed this too.

    "Alright, alright, for this next song, I'm sure you've heard the lovely Ms. Ariana Grande sing this song, and tonight, hopefully, I don't butcher this song." I introduced the song, which made the crowd scream even louder.

    This song holds such an important place in my heart, because I wrote it when I was 19, and who knew I would be singing it now and feel the same amount of hurt I had when I was 19.

I know I'm not you're only
But at least I was one
I heart a little love
Was better than none.

    Mitch and I quickly moved from the A stage to the B stage, and ultimately this is my favorite part of the entire show, it used to be singing Only Angel, but now it's this, singing Sweet Creature and If I Could Fly, this has taken the spot.

    I remember McKenna telling me how If I Could Fly was her favorite song from Made in the A.M., aside from the song's she's written of course, and I couldn't help but tear up as I sang this song.

I think I might
Give up everything
Just ask me to

    I will give up everything without her asking, I should've given up everything regarding Camille for her.