"It's okay, I won't hurt you," he said, creeping his way on to my bed and resting his body next to mine. I lay facing him and his body mimicked mine, he didn't touch me but his eyes wandered, analyzing every inch of my tiny frame causing heat to run through my entire my body. He reached over eliminating the gap that was between us, he rested his fingers on my cheek and made his way down to my neck, then rested his fingers on the back of my spine, making little circles and pulling me in closer. I watched his eyes, those dark eyes, the eyes that weren't leaving mine. Those eyes that showed no emotion; the eyes I could not read. I knew this wasn't a good idea. I couldn't trust those eyes, the ones that hurt and manipulated me time and time again but I couldn't turn away. Turn away Catherine, turn! His face began to move towards mine, his lips were trying to find mine, my mind told me to run, the rest of me wanted him, wanted more. His lips smashed against mine, merciless. I tried to pull away but his grasp was too strong and he tasted so sweet. I wanted to leave but I didn’t. You won't feel this way again! I closed my eyes and let him take over, stopped struggling and tried to get my body to relax although a part of me still wanted to fight but my body and inner insecurities wanted all of him. He pulled away from me, his eyes were twinkling staring at me, his mouth was turned up in a grin; a grin I couldn't read. He shifted his position, climbing on top of me, I felt him. Maybe he really wanted me.. He pressed his lips against my neck, shivers ran throughout my body, it's like he knew exactly what I wanted. I began to feel his teeth sinking in to my neck and that sent me off the edge. I wrapped my legs around his waist and threw my arms around his neck. I rotated my hips against his groin, I wanted to feel him more, so much more. He placed both his hand on my behind and flipped me until I was on top of him, he looked up at me, "All mine, all mine." He growled. "You are all mine," with a mix of fear and my insecurities being satisfied I quietly said, "Yes."
My eyes shot open, my breathing was labored. I looked around, my surroundings momentarily unfamiliar until I looked to my left to see the monitors, the room was silent. I looked down at my hands, they were trembling, my pillow was wet with sweat and my clothes were soaked. I sat up trying to settle my breathing, removing the comforter from my body and swinging my legs over the side of my bed.
"Catherine," I turned to see my mother standing at my doorway, her fingers fiddled with the book that sat on my desk, her eyes looking tired.
"Hey mom!" I responded.
"Start getting ready, the doctor said you're free to go." I nodded. "And they switched your medications, there shouldn't be anymore problems." She stood there, for maybe a minute longer, staring at me until she finally turned and walked down the hallway.
I took off my clothes and headed to the bathroom, turned on the shower and stepped in. The moment the water hit my skin I began to cry; tears started to stream down my face and I couldn't stop it. It had been two and a half months and the feelings were just as heavy. I fell to my knees in that shower and had no motivation to get up. The water was hot causing my skin to blister, I screamed. It wasn't because of the external pain, it was because of the inner. I was doing so well, for once. I slammed the bath tub floor with my fist. I looked down at my knuckle and noticed blood. I screamed again. I heard my bathroom door open and before I could clean myself up, the bathroom curtain was pushed a side and I was facing my therapist, Hannah - bloody and burning.
She looked down at me, I felt so small.
"What happened?" She asked.
"I don't know, I was doing fine and then last night I had a dream and - "
"You dreamt about him again, didn’t you?"
She stooped down, leaned over the tub's edge, turned down the water's temperature and looked at me.