I could not believe what I had just done, why I had done it, that i had done this to this lifeless body belonged to.
In front of me lay the body of Amanda, a 16 year old teenager with a great future. She is my girlfriend, or was. She was telling me that our relationship wasn’t working, that it didn’t feel right to date other women, she didn’t like bisexuals like she used to. I didn’t know why she was turning against me, to me dating the same gender felt perfectly fine, it felt just the same as dating the opposite sex.
I guess I couldn’t take the sound of the words coming out of her mouth, “it’s over” and they never would. I killed her before it was too late, no one knew that we were bi, and no one would.
I didn’t think she would die when I threw the rock at her I was just hoping she would get knocked out and have a slight concussion and forget about the whole break up thing. I didn’t know I would hit her temple. I’m sorry, I really am. It was when her pulse stopped I began to realize my mistake, why would I want to kill her, I thought I loved her, I thought she loved me. What would I do with her body, I got it I have to crash her car and put her in the driver’s seat, they will think that the mark on her head is from a part of the car and she was just driving unsafely. How am I supposed to crash a car? I put her In the passanger seat and drove the car to the edge of a cliff and put it in park than I moved her body to the driver’s seat and whispered quietly in her ear “I’m sorry, for everything” I gave her one last kiss and put the car to drive. It started slow but moved rapidly to the bottom of the hill. Then I ran to my car and drove away, as far away I could.
The police came to my house the next day to tell me she had gotten into a car crash and a fake cry prevented them from asking me any questions, they did talk to my mom though.
They came to my bedroom door and knocked
“Just a minute” I sobbed
I went to the bathroom and dabbed water on my mascara so it would run down my face, and went to answer the door.
“Where did u see her last?”
In the most sob voice I cried “ she left school yesterday saying she was going to her friend Emily’s cabin, I offered to go but she told me I need to study, I should have gone, she was my best friend, she was more than that…”
There was an awkward silence and the police asked me what I meant when I said more than that
“She was…like a…sister…”
They left looking satified as I did myself, how would I fix this mess, the guilt was eating me alive. Suicidal thoughts had come to my head but I never really considered it as a plan. I had thought of moving away but it costed a lot of money.
I didn’t sleep a blink that night; I was wide eyed all night.
I had to do something and confessing was the last thing on my list. I couldn’t trust anyone with my little secret because I didn’t want to tell them I was bi; they would never think of me the same.
So I just went to see them and cried some more so they would know I had nothing to do with her death.
“I just want to see her one last time and tell her that she was my best friend, to tell her I loved her like I would love a sister, but she can’t hear me because she probably has an earful of blood and car parts. I always knew that her car was unsafe.” These were just some of the things I would cry about around them but alone the only thoughts that went through my hear were but I loved you, Im sorry, I really didn’t mean for you to die, I want to marry you, I want to be transgender so we can get married, why don’t you love me. Then I realized that I never put myself in her shoes. I thought and thought till I knew how to deal with my life.
I went for a drive to where the accident happened, where I killed her, where her car “crashed”.
And I yelled “I AM SORRY I AM A SELFISH JERK WHY DID I DO THIS WHY ARE YOU GONE I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD, I WOULD HAVE STILL BEEN YOUR FRIEND BUT I KILLED YOU.”
I walked into the building and told the woman at the front table wearing a police badge
“I killed Amanda”
