"Would you like to tell me what's bothering you, Milena?" Ms.Brown asked
I don't know why she asked such an absurd question, it's not like she doesn't have my files. I don't even know why I'm here anymore, everyone goes through things in life that are troubling but the time something happens in my life I have to take therapy and get help... honestly it's irritating .
Everyone it's constantly saying i'm not the same since that day, well no shit who would.
As if she could read my thoughts she said "Well that was not a good question to ask." you gave her a confused yet irritated expression while exhaling heavily without answering her again.
She took the clue and suddenly she says "Well, I will skip the small talk because you and me both know what you been through."
"And what have I been through exactly ms.brown" you asked coldly
She knew where this conversation was going but yet she still dug deeper. I don't think I can take any more encouragement or hopeful words because I know physically and mentally i'll never get over what I witnessed and felt... what he felt
"I know you been through a traumatic, sad, hopeles-"
"hopeless?" you cut her off
"yes, milena... hopeles-"
You not wanting to hear that word you cut her off again "Your just like everybody else. You try to fix people when they can't be fixed. You assume, you dig, you break, you remind people of something that will shatter them more then you ever think. Your selfish. You don't understand anything and for you to just say those things without you knowing what ME mentally been through is beyond disrespectful." you said calmly
there was a long pause, but the silence made me realize all those words weren't for her, some were for him.
him...
When I realized that, I walked out the office, building and to my car to get away. Tears streaming down my face because I thought I healed, I thought I got used to the pain but everything hurts just the same from the time I saw that dangling rope and hearing those gunshots till now.
it's been 1 year and 7 months
almost 2 years
and i can't stop thinking about him
almost 2 years
and i still love him
almost 2 years since i've seen him, since he's seen me ...
While driving you decide to just go to your apartment. All alone, its better that way anyways.
You get into your apartment and the first thing you decide to do is just take a shower. "Showers... showers are always calming" you thought to yourself. Although you knew deep down inside that you were going to let you emotions take over you and just cry because you talked about that time in life or him ever since he left for good.
You had no intentions on turning any lights on until you reached you room. As soon as you got into your room you went to your bathroom and turned on the shower and made sure the water was hot. You took off all your clothes already tearing up of the idea of him.
You get in the shower and just let the water run down your back of you releasing a bit of stress from your shoulders and back. It felt good physically but mentally you were thinking.
thinking for you never turns out good
Next thing you knew your stuck in your thoughts not even moving neither realizing the state your in.
1 year and 6 months ago
You noticed that you boyfriend Jungkook started to act weird and different. I never thought of it as a major issue because finals were coming so I assumed it was just because of stress and anxiety.
He decided to pick you today for school so you were more then happy because lately he would be distance so you thought this was the breaking point and that he was back to your lovey dovey jungkook again.
As your waiting on your front porch of your parents house you see his dark purple SVU pull up and immediately ran to get in the passenger seat. You placed a kiss on his cheek and put on your seatbelt as soon as you got in. He stared at you for a moment and you noticed how his eyes didn't seem there all the way... like he wasn't t happy or holding something inside. That caused your smile to drop and you decide to finally speak up about your worries about him.
you started off "goodmorning"
nothing
"are you ok jungkook? am i bothering you? you haven't been yourself lately. i'm worried, you never talk to me anymore, am i too clingy?"
nothing again
you wave you hand in his face to get his attention
nothing
"wow jungkook, silent treatment? honestly i don't know what i did wrong. just talk to me and i'll fix it"
he just started the car and drove away without even glancing at you, not once. No response, nothing.
It hurt honestly, your eyes started to water but you decide to stay strong and not put more worries on him because
you loved him
back to the present
You realized you zoned out and actually started to wash yourself and after you got out the shower, moisturized, got dressed and laid down. Still your mind going crazy though, the only thing that helped at night was wearing one of his sweatshirts to sleep in.
You were surprised at first when you tried the method because you thought it would trigger you and your emotions but it just made the night 10x easier for you and allowed you to sleep easily.
-Author
this is my first ever time publishing anything
and this first chapter, i will continue to get better. I'll also try to upload as frequently as possible. thank so so much for reading this, i promise there will be more dramatic and sad and happy moments and more will come to the story to tie it together. once again thank you!!🤍
YOU ARE READING
'Your eyes tell' JJK
FanfictionYour not the same because you still love him but that's not the problem... the problem is that you shouldn't. So you take your stress and blame yourself for being a terrible person because of your love is still as strong as it was before and you'll...
