𝒮𝒶𝒻𝑒 & 𝒮𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹

iii. World War III

"What is it?" Mickey asks.

"The Slitheen have got a spaceship in the North Sea transmitting that signal," the Doctor says before carrying on. "Now, hush, let me work out what it's saying."

"He'll have to answer me one day," mum grumbles.

"Hush!" Mouse hisses.

"It's some sort of message," the Doctor frowns.

"What's it say?" Rose asks, sitting on the table, next to me.

"Don't know," the Doctor shakes his head. "It's on a loop, keeps repeating... hush!" he snaps when there's a ring through the speaker.

"That's not me!" Mouse protests. "Go and see who that is."

"It's three o'clock in the morning," Mickey tells mum.

"Well, go and tell THEM that!"

"It's beaming out into space. Who's it for?" the Doctor asks.

"It's him, it's the thing! It's the Slickeen!" I hear mum tell Mickey in distress. "They've found us!" Mickey exclaims.

"Mickey, I need that signal," the Doctor tells him. I roll my eyes and remove my bag from my back and get my laptop out of my bag, ignoring the rest of the conversation. Opening the U.N.I.T website, I go to the login page. Username: Galaxy_Tyler84

Password: rycbagar123

I click login and the do what Mickey did and the sound plays. "There you go. Here's the signal but now, I'm gonna stick in some headphones because it is starting to get annoying. Just like a TV advertisement," I tell the Doctor but before I could stick headphones into my ears, the Doctor mutes my laptop and walks behind me, turning my chair around.

"Right! If we're gonna find their weakness, we need to find out where they're from, which planet," the Doctor says. "Their basic shape, that narrows it down to five thousand nearby planets," the Doctor continues. "What else do we know about them? Information!"

"They're green!" Rose fires at the Doctor.

"Narrows it down," the Doctor says.

"Good sense of smell," Rose continues.

"Narrows it down."

"They can smell adrenaline."

"Narrows it down."

"Pig technology," Harriet says.

"Narrows it down."

"Spaceship in the Thames Slipstream engine."

"Narrows it down."

"They hunt like it's a ritual."

"Narrows it down."

"Wait, did you notice...? When they fart, if you'll pardon the word, it doesn't smell like a fart, if you'll pardon the word, it's something else? What? It's more like, um..." Harriet trails off.

"Bad breath!" Rose exclaims.

"That's it!" Harriet shouts.

"Calcium decay! Now, THAT narrows it down!" the Doctor exclaims.

"We're getting there mum!" Rose yells at the phone.

"Too late!" Mickey exclaims. The Doctor, Rose and Harriet all walk down to the other side of the table near the door. "Calcium phosphate, organic calcium, living calcium, creatures made out of living calcium. What else? Hyphenated surname! YES! That narrows it down to one planet!" the Doctor points to me and I smile at his silliness. "Raxacoricofallapatorius!" we exclaim at the same time. "Great, we can write 'em a letter," Mouse yells sarcastically. The Doctor runs back over to me and leans over me. "Get into the kitchen!" the Doctor yells.

"Oh, God, it's going to rip us apart!" mum yells.

"Calcium weakened by the compression field..." the Doctor trails off.

"Acetic acid! Vinegar!" I yell at them.

"Just like Hannibal!" Harriet exclaims.

"Just like Hannibal! Mickey, have you got any vinegar?" the Doctor asks.

"How should I know?" Mickey asks.

"It's your kitchen!" the Doctor yells.

"Cupboard by the sink, middle shelf!" Rose exclaims.

"Oh, give it here. What d'you need?" mum asks.

"Anything with vinegar," I tell her.

"Gherkins! Yeah, pickled onion! Pickled eggs!" mum exclaims.

"You kiss this man?" the Doctor asks Rose and I roll my eyes. We all relax when we hear an explosion coming from the other end of the phone. "Hannibal?" Rose asks.

"Hannibal crossed the Alps by dissolving boulders with vinegar," Harriet explains to Rose.

"Oh. Well, there you go, then," Rose says, picking up her drink along with the rest of us. We all take a swig of the drink I feel something drip on my head and look up and see the Doctor spitting out his drink. "Oh, for god sakes. Do you have to get that on me?" I ask.

"Sorry," the Doctor smiles at me but I roll my eyes and sigh.

*********

"Listen to this!" Mickey tells us, taking the phone from mum.

"Our inspectors have searched the sky above our heads. And they have found... MASSIVE weapons of destruction. Capable of being deployed within 45 seconds..." 'Joseph Green' says.

"What?" the Doctor asks.

"Our technicians can baffle, the alien probes. But not for long. We are facing extinction. Unless we strike first. The United Kingdom stands directly beneath the belly of the mother ship. I beg the United Nations, pass an emergency resolution. Give us the access codes! A nuclear strike at the heart of the ship is our only chance of survival. Because... from this moment on... it is my solemn duty to inform you... planet earth is at war."

"He's making it up!" the Doctor glares at the speaker. "There are no weapons up there, there's no threat. He just invented it," he spits out.

"Do you think they'll believe him?" Harriet asks hesitantly.

"They did last time," Rose sighs.

"He's acting Prime Minister and no one knows he's an alien... they've got no reason not to trust him," I shake my head, getting up out of the chair I'm sat in and the Doctor grabs onto me to keep me steady whilst we walk towards the door.

"That's why the Slitheen went for the spectacle. They want the whole world panicking cos you lot, you get scared, you lash out..." the Doctor trails off.

"Release defence codes," Rose says.

"The Slitheen go nuclear," the Doctor says, stopping at the door.

"But why?" Harriet asks but the Doctor presses the button at the door and the metal shutters disappear.

"You get the codes, release the missiles. But not into space - cos there's nothing there. You attack every other country on Earth, they retaliate, fight back. World War Three. The whole planet gets nuked," the Doctor says seriously.

"And we can sit through it, safe in our spaceship, waiting in the Thames. Not crashed, just parked. Barely two minutes away," Margret says. 

"But you'll destroy this planet, this beautiful place!" Harriet exclaims, appalled. "What for?"

"Profit," the Doctor grinds out. "That's what the signal is, beaming into space. An advert."

"Sale of the century! We reduce the Earth to molten slag, then sell it," Margret says. "Piece by piece. Radioactive chunks capable of powering every cut-price starliner and budget cargo. There's a recession out there, Doctor. People are buying cheap. This rock becomes raw fuel."

"At the cost of five billion lives," the Doctor says.

"Huh! Bargin," Margret says.

"I give you a choice. Leave this planet or I'll stop you," the Doctor says and the Slitheen and Margret start laughing. "What? You?" she asks walking forwards. "Trapped in your box?"

"Yes. Me," the Doctor glares at Margret and presses the button and the metal shutters shut, again, slowly.