𝗥𝗘𝗧𝗪𝗘𝗘𝗧𝗘𝗗 | 𝗱𝘄𝘁 𝘅 𝗿 | -𝗴𝗹𝗼𝘄𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗻𝗲 (DISCONTINUED)

xx

a/n

kind of a sad chapter :/

"oh," i freeze. clay gently pushes me forward. i force myself to breathe & shuffle my feet.

"(y/n)" the blond headed boy in front of me smiles shyly. i hated that smile so much, "it's been what? like 2 years? i missed you," he gets up from the couch and gives me a hug that lasts a little longer than it should. i barley hug him back, still processing that he was here. in the apartment.

clay clears his throat and the other boys brown eyes shoot up to him. he glances over clay and his expression changes for a second before going back to what it was before.  i look back at clay & sigh.

"devin, this is clay," i force out, still not processing that he was here in front of me, "he's my- uh..." it hurts me to say it to him, so i stutter over my words.

"boyfriend," clay cuts in. devins eyes flick to mine and i take a deep breathe. i look back at clay and he jerks his thumb to the bathroom. i nod quickly, forgetting the fact that i would now be left alone with devin. i watch clay walk to the bathroom, with his right hand awkwardly sticking out. once he closes the door devin clears his throat.

"boyfriend?" he rakes his hand through his hair, "he seems nice,"

"he is," i say tersely, setting my wrist-let on the counter. 

"how long?"he messes with his apple watch. the air between us is heavy. i hadn't seen him in a long time, and now that i finally have, i hated it.

"almost two months," he lets go of the breath he was holding in, "is he the first one?" i don't answer. i don't want him to know i put my whole life on pause for him. after a minute he looks up at me. his chocolate colored eyes make my heart skip a beat. a lump forms in my throat, but i keep the contact.

"(y/n) i'm really sorry. i swear, you-"

"hey devin! oh (y/-" allie and clay almost run into each other. he mumbles a quick apology and walks over to me. he wraps his hand around my waist and i see devin watch.

"(y/n), i didn't think you'd be home this soon," she's nervous. she definitely didn't want us to see each other. i wave it off. i didn't want her to think it was a big deal that he was here. and awkward silence lingers for a minute before allie clears her throat. "you ready?" he looks up at her and nods before looking back at me.

we say our goodbyes and soon its just me and clay in the apartment. i collapse onto one of the bar stools and rub my eyebrows. clay joins me and gently rubs his hand on my back.

"are you okay? who was that?" i don't answer. i don't want to have to explain to clay how the boy who was infront of us a minute ago was my entire life just 2 years ago, "you don't have to tell me, it's fine. i just want to know that you're okay,"

i clear my throat and look up at him. should i tell him? i knew if i did, he would look at me in a completely different way. he might even break up with me. but i had to be honest with him. my chest shakes as i take a deep breathe.

"you're gonna hate me," my voice breaks. his lips part slightly and hi grabs my wrists.

"(y/n). nothing you do could ever make me hate you," i let out a sob and dream hugs me. i bury my head into his shoulder.

"i used to date him," i pull away. i rest my head in my hands so i don't have to look at him, "like sophomore year. me him and allie were a friend group, kind of. but me and devin started dating so it was weird when all 3 of us hung out." i hear his chair squeak.

"we dated for a year. i was convinced that we would like last through out high school." my voice breaks again. i take a moment to recollect myself and continue, "but then allie started avoiding me. i had no idea why. and turns out, she liked devin. like alot. and she was going to tell me around the day that i ended up telling her i liked him." clay gently touches my thigh. i hold in the lump that was building up in my throat.

"she liked him so much, clay. so much. so i broke up with him and i didn't give him any context. i didn't know what else to do. and so i watched them and eventually they started dating and he didn't even bat an eyelash my direction. it hurt so much, but allie was so happy. and so like a couple months into their relationship-" i paused and looked at him. he looked scared and confused. probably at why i was falling apart over this stupid story. but he didn't know the worst part. "clay promise me- promise me, that you won't think less of me. this was so long ago, i would never do this again. it was my worst moment and i-" i start to cry.

"(y/n) i promise you, on everything." he holds my hand and i force myself to breathe. 

"i ran into devin in a publix parking lot. it was awkward. i thought he hated me but he didn't so we started talking. we went back to his car and just talked about everything, and he told me he still l-loved me,"my mouth stuttered on that word. my words started shaking and i was full on crying at this point, "he kissed me and one thing lead to another and...yeah. but it wasn't a one time thing. it went on for months. and one day allie told me about how she thought he was cheating on her with a girl named claire and it broke me. i ended it right then. i blocked him on everything and cut off all ties with him. i even transferred schools. i felt so fucking bad. i haven't seen him since then. that's why i hate her with him. he could be cheating on her right now. he if he was going to do it with me, whats stopping him to do it with other girls?"

i look back at clay. his face is expressionless. i sniffle and he wraps his arms around me. and we just sit there in the silence of my apartment together.