Dancing in madness

1.Blood and tea

A/N WARNING This story contains smut, you are warned.

Peter awake suddenly, covered in sweat, panting. He had another nightmare, nasty one, about Tony and May. After checking time he decided to take shower. He made his way to bathroom, striping himself he tough about everyone  who died, about everyone who he failed, he just wanted to stop, to not remember about it for a tiny second, he reached to drawer, moved towel to reveal razors, he took one of them. Siting on the floor with his back on wall Peter put edge on his left forearm.

"If I were you I wouldn't do that" Silk voice made Peter jump, razor slide on his forearm slicing his skin, making deep wound. Peter hissed in pain and drop razor down pressing his hand to wound. Loki was right beside him. "Hey, sorry I don't want to scare you, let me see" 

"I will be fine" Peter mumbled looking down, he doesn't want anyone to know, especially not Loki, he like that mysterious Asguardian, seeing him like this with his cris-crossed arms and razor in hand was not something great, he looked weak, not worthy, like a silly child.

"Nonsense, this blade was rather deep and believe me I've seem worst post self-harm scars" he took Peter's arm gently and removed his hand to see how deep is that particular cut. "I'm afraid there will be need to put some dressing on it" he opened drawer and pull some bandage out

"There's no need, honest I will be alright" but Loki wasn't waiting for his agreement, he just held Peter's hand in one of his and clean blood with another, after that he wrapped bandage around Peter's forearm.

"Come, I think it will be better if you just tell me what's going on than slice your arms and possibly tights up" With that Loki pulled Peter out from bathroom and take him to kitchen. In silence God prepared two cups of tea and sat on couch against Peter.

"H-how did you know?" Peter ask after few minutes of silence. Loki was looking at him questionably. "How did you  know that I cut my tights too?" he asked looking into his mug.

"I didn't, I assumed it seeing how many scars you had" Peter noded, silence again appeared between them. "Peter" Teenager looked up at him "why did you cut yourself?" this question was soft, Loki knew that this boy was traumatized, he seem his behavior many times and suspected from quite a while. Knowing that, he was sure the best way to get answer is being soft and kind.

"I, I just want to forget, for even second, just lost myself in, in something what could drown out all my toughs, all my guilt" he didn't dared to look up in Loki's face.

"And what is this you blame yourself with?" Loki wasn't sure if he could understood Peter's problems, after all he was like thousand years older than human in front of him. 

"Well, I could do better so Mr.Stark would be still alive, and it's my fault hat May is dead since I asked her to peek me up and I still had messed up from what Mysterio did to my head, my only friend has no life because of me now and MJ, it was my fault because I, well I like her but I am not sure if I like girls anymore so it's my fault because I wasn't good enough for her and"

"Hey, hey take it slow Peter, take it slow" Loki felt sudden urge to hug young human, he was seriously overwhelmed with guilt which wasn't even his "Firstly, how could you blame yourself for Stark death, there was so many adults, more powerful adults who did they best and can't save him, on the other hand Strange told you it was only one way"

"I know but is I"

"No Peter, there was nothing you could do, it is not your fault"Loki stood up deciding hug wasn't bad option "Come here" he mumbled siting next to boy, surrounding Peter with his arms "You take everything what happens as your fault, this will destroy you, believe me I know how it is to be guilt but you are not, if someone has to be make me guilty for that too" he was slowly rubbing boys back. 

Peter looked up at him "But you, you are not , you are hero, I mean ok you did bad thinks but you save so many people and, and you, I can't it's, I" 

"Peter, calm down, you don't need to fell guilt, I am sure Stark wouldn't like you to feel like this" he was still embarrassing younger man and rubbing circles on his back "Come, you need sleep"

"I, I don't want, I can't, not when nightmares come" Peter mumbled under his breath, his head bowed in shame. Loki looked down at little human in his arms considering what to do with that information "I, Loki eeem could you maybe, I mean"

"Yes" Not waiting for anything else, god pick him up and headed to his room, he knew his own bedroom has better bed but need to comfort little creature in his arms were stronger than his own comfort, besides Peter would feel safer in own bed not someones else. He lied younger man on bed, taking off his hoodie with Palpatine leaving himself only in pants and too big t-shirt with Joker.

"You know there are clothes with good characters as well right" Peter joked in try to discharge the tension

"I am aware, however bad ones are more interesting, don't you think" Loki slipped under covers beside Peter.

"Well fair point, I was always curious what is in they ill mind, how they could consider killing and paining people as something acceptable even fun" right after he said this he realised what he just said. Loki's eyes widen and he lost control, his insane part took over him.

"You know, you are lying in bed with one, it's dangerous Peter, you never know what will made mad person hearing something like this" he rolled himself on top of human, Peter's hips between his knees, his arms above in God hand. Loki lowered himself so his face was almost touching Peter's "My mind screams to cut you, to hurt you, to rape you, to burn you, to kiss you, to kill you, to bite you, to do so many horrific things you could never imagine, my body want you to know.." he forced himself back, falling to the floor, forcing his mind to sanity once more "Gods Peter, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I lost control for a while, I'm sorry, are you alright?"

Peter was..., well confused and terrified and surprised and hard? Loki want to kiss him, more he want to sleep with him and this was enough to turn him on, his words his touch, his voice, his

"Peter!" 

"Yes?"

"Are you alright" Loki's face was tensed, his green eyes full of pain and sorrow

"Y-yes I'm fine" he muttered, shifting himself to sitting position to hide his almost full erection

Loki wasn't fool, opposite actually, he saw Peter's arousal, his dreaming eyes "I will do best leaving" he stood up 

"No! I mean, please, you, you said, you, I want, I" Peter wasn't sure how to tell it, he took deep breath "Yousaidyouwantkissmeright?"

"I beg you pardon?"

"You said you want to kiss me" Peter didn't dared to look at him, instead hi look at his own lap.

"As well as many other less pleasant thinks, why you pick up this particular?"Loki knew it was bad to tease teenager like that, to even think about him like that but he was interested in that boy, found him attractive, he want to kiss him so fucking badly.

"Did you meant it?"he moved his gaze up only to meet deep green eyes looking at him fondly "because I, I would like you to"