Waiting For You

Prologue

Christian was his name.
The man that kept appearing in my dream or should I say he already became a part of my own reality..
I was the only surviving child of my mother after my two siblings and father died in a car accident and since then, the house wasn't the same, my mother wasn't the same, the house felt so empty. "3rd of  June 2010" was a sad day for I and my mother and it left  us with a scar.
I would never forget the face of the stranger that came to my home to announce the death of my loved ones. My light. My source of happiness. The earth took my light from me.
    I struggled with nightmares for some time and wasn't in my right state of mind because losing my father and siblings left me so devastated.
  I remember running away from the house for some days  until my mother found me in a deserted place.  She was also going through a lot herself but also trying to be there for me but my pain constantly made me push her away.
I loved my mother but I found it hard to confide in her because I was in denial for such a long time. I told her my siblings weren't dead, my father wasn't dead and they would come back. I was angry at her for not believing me. I was so young, I was so naive, I was so bitter. I loved my mother so much but I always found it hard to show it properly.
That was when I found Christian. Christian meant a lot to me and I never knew he would also bring so much pain and sorrow than I have ever felt to me.
Now the thing is, I know this sounds crazy but Christian was not exactly real(oh wait, he can't hear me say this) but this is my story and I am not crazy!
   Christian was like a reflection of my thought. Christian was like an imaginary friend, but I found so much happiness in him. He let me be myself. He saw within me. I wasn't like the typical children in the city growing up because I didn't have friends and I always isolated myself. That was my own way of dealing with pain. I told Christian everything that went on in my head and he always seemed to understand me. It was such a beautiful relationship. I didn't know or understand what exactly it was but I know that it felt good and I loved it. I usually saw him in my dream or in whatever form he came in. He would take me to a very cool isolated beach and we would talk about everything. He once put a beautiful gold chain with a lovely crystal pendent round my neck and told me I was the most beautiful girl on earth. He made me feel so pure and beautiful.
What is your name? I once asked him while we were on the beach.
What would you like to call me? He replied.
I looked at the water before smiling back at him.
Christian. I replied..
I will call you Christian.
He never really told me anything about himself and I never really asked. It was all about me. The few times I tried to ask about him, he would hold my hand and say "in a matter of time, Martha".
  He always looked at me with so much love and care. He looked into my soul. Christian was like a soulmate.. well, so I thought.
My mother would hear me talking to myself in my room several times and I always answered her rudely when she tried to come close. I pushed it away and told her it was nothing but I'm sure she knew something was definitely off.
  My relationship with her was a very confusing one. I mean, there were times were I tried my best to get close but it always felt awkward. So I just didn't bother too much. I still couldn't deny the fact that I cared for her and I never wanted to lose her.
   I actually always felt bad anytime I was rude to her or saw her on her own.. lost in her thoughts or crying... but I still understood that the relationship between myself and my mother wasn't going to be so easy to be fixed so anytime I had something to talk about, I ran to Christian and not her. Christian never judged even my weirdest thoughts or actions. He wiped my tears, my pain was his pain, my happiness was his happiness, my thoughts were his thoughts. Everything I loved, he loved too. It was like he had some sort of spiritual powers that I was probably too young to figure out. At least he didn't mean any harm to me.. so I thought..  Well, not until I found out Christian was someone I had to let go as I got older.
I couldn't go on with Christian forever. I needed to have a life! I had grown to the age where my senses told me to had to fulfill my destiny and live a better life just like other youths in my town leaving and going to the big city and making ends meet. Besides, I was bored of my own life and I knew there was more to life.
Christian was beginning to drive me crazy and I knew it.
Christian was obsessed with me. He would put crazy thoughts in my head like "running away with him"  or even killing my own mother. I started having a lot of night mares. We would have our fights and he would always look for ways to manipulate me and bring himself even closer to me..
  No one else knew Christian except me.
I had no other friends or meaningful relationships.
I was losing myself and also trying to find myself and I knew Christian wasn't all I needed.
  Well, that was where it all began...