Insecure

How To Get Through

        " Did you come to see Isabelle?" I let out a huff of air, getting more heated by the second. " Yes, is that a problem?" She looks at me in shock. " She can't leave practice." Isabelle gives me a pleading look, telling me to go. I don't bother wasting another breath on Rosa as I grab Isabelle's hand and exit the room. I pull her around the corner to a empty hallway. "What's wrong?" I ask, scrunching my eyebrows together. She fiddles with her finger as she trains her eyes on the floor. I pace the floor trying to calm my nerves. "Did they do something again?"  silence.

I run my hands through my hair. Why is it so hard for her to tell me? Can't she see that I'm trying to help? " Isabelle, please just tell me. I hate seeing you so down." She looks up at me. Her eyes are hollow, like an endless void of nothingness. It's like she's given up on everything.

She opens her mouth like she's about to say something but closes it shut. She bites her lip nervously.  " Can we go back to that place?" I almost don't hear because she mumbles it under her breath. I let out a sigh of relieve. " Of course." I grab her hand and lead her to the exit of the school. I ignore the curious glances of the remaining students that have yet to leave the school. When we reach my car, I open the door for Isabelle. She hops in quickly not wasting time buckling her seat belt. " Are you sure you want to leave? You were in the middle of a practice." 

        " I just need to get away."  I nod my head. I pull out of the parking lot. The ride is quiet. I keep trying to find the right words to say but give up when nothing seems right. We reach our destination in no time. Isabelle flings herself out of the car before I fully stop it, hopping over the railing with ease. I have to run to catch up with her. 
    I grab her arm when she finally starts to slow down. "Hey, what's the rush?"  She tries to squirm away but I hold on tight. " You shouldn't run off like that in the middle of the night." 

        " Can you let go of me." She demands. Even in the darkness, I could tell that she was upset. I could just make out the way her nose always scrunches up when she's mad. I release her arm and she continues to walk towards the meadow. I follow her in silence, letting her calm down. When we reach the clearing, I wait for her to pick a spot and sit next to her. 

        Tonights a full moon, but it's hard to make out because it's being covered by clouds. I turn to look at Isabelle, she has her legs against her chest and her arms wrapped around them. I can see her steadily breathing as she stares blankly into the distance, deep in thought. " What are you thinking about?"

        She lets out a heavy sigh. " Life, Friendships...us." My eyes widen at the last one. I clear my throat. " Why us?" I ask, suddenly feeling my face grow red as my palms get sweaty. I have no idea why I'm getting so nervous. I guess the thought that she was thinking about me has me all out of wack. " I think we should stop being friends." She says dryly. My heart stops. My head snaps toward her. Her eyes are glazed over with unshed tears and her cheeks are flushed. 

        " W-why?" I choke out. She looks at me and smiles softly. " Us being friends isn't going to work. It's too painful."  I stare at her wide eyed. " Is it something I did? What ever it is I can fix it. I can stop pushing you to tell me things. Is that it?" I find myself blabbering. I don't want her to leave. She's the most real, honest person I've met in a long time. If she leaves I'll have no one. 

        All these thoughts race through my head at once. I'm overwhelmed with different emotions. I thought I wanted to help her. Was it really all for her? I barely have time to think as Isabelle stands up to leave, I reach up and grab her hand, pulling down. She lands in my lap, surprising us both as our cheeks instantly turn a deep shade of red. I push my feelings of embarrassment away as I hug her tightly. " If you want to cry. Just cry." Her body tenses around me, but after a few moments she relaxes and hugs me back. 

        I hear her sniffle before a tear drops onto my shoulder and then another and another until she is bawling into my shirt. I hold her close, afraid that if I let go, she'll leave. We stay like this for what seems to be hours before she shifts slightly pulling her face away from my shirt. I wipe the tears from her eyes and give her a warm smile. "Why does it hurt to be my friend?" I instantly regret the question because a sudden flash of panic floods her eyes.  

        " Why would it be painful for you to be around me." My voice taking a more serious note. She looks away from me. I feel a pang of hurt in my chest. " Us hanging out hurts people, including ourselves. We're just from two different worlds that aren't meant to mix." She whispers. Every word she said shoots daggers into my heart. I haven't hurt anyone. Who would it hurt? " Is there something you're not telling me?" I question.

       " Why is it so hard to get away from you?" She ask, half yells in frustration. " I keep trying to leave you behind, but you keep coming back. Why do you keep coming back?" She ask, her eyebrows creased together. 

        I take a moment to think about the answer but it's not coming easy anymore. Every time I see her, I can't stop myself from approaching. It's like she draws me to her and it's addicting, I can't get enough. It's like I need her to be around. I say the only thing that can truely express my feelings. 

        " I need you." 

Authors Note 

Intense? I wonder what will happen in the next chapter. Guess you'll have to read to find out.