Ten Things To Do Before I Die

Chapter 3

"Papa, kahit ano pang sabihin mo, ayoko. Please, this is my life! I own this! Just please... please stop telling me what to do! I'm so sick of all your sermons!"

Pabagsak kong isinara ang pinto. Hindi ako huminto kahit na sinisigaw niya ang pangalan ko. Halos takbuhin ko na ang kotse ko maka-alis lang dito.

I'm sorry, Mama. Pero hindi ko na kayang pakisamahan pa si Papa.

Without having a single peso, only with a bag full of clothes, I left our mansion.

I'll work. I'll find a job that I like and it's fit with what course I graduated in, Business. Dahil lang naman kay Papa kaya ito ang kinuha ko. But if I am to choose, I want to take Education. I wanna be a professor.

I will live my life. In my own way.

Not sure though if this will work. Sinadya kong ibagsak ang mga subjects ko noon. Hindi ako nag-aaral. At nakapagtapos lang dahil may pera si Papa. You know what I mean.

"Busangot ka na naman! Ang gwapo mo pero lagi kang ganyan," salubong sa akin ni Walker.

"Yan lang dala mo?" Tanong niya pa ng lampasan ko siya at pumasok sa kaniyang bahay.

"Feeling bahay, ah? Kinakausap kita, buddy."

Huminto ako at masama siyang tinignan.

"Please, I'm not in the mood. You're so talkative."

Gladly, tumahimik siya. Pumasok ako sa kwartong ibinigay niya sa akin. Hinagis ko ang bag sa tabi at humiga sa malambot na kama. I closed my eyes as I tried to figure out why I am like this.

Maybe you'll accused me of being a useless son. Bastos, walang modo, at kung ano ano pang masama. But also, baka nga tama ka.

Hindi ganoon si Papa sa akin noon. He's a lovely father to me. Pareho sila ni Mama. But then, after that one morning, suddenly all things changed.

Busy pareho sila Mama at Papa sa negosyo namin. Ako at si Lola lang ang naiwan dahil hindi pa gaanong malago ang negosyo noon. Wala pang mga katulong at simple lang ang bahay.

I was only seven years old that time. All I know is how to play my toys, how to assemble my robots, and how to kill my enemies in the games.

Bata pa lang naman, may katigasan na ang aking ulo. Pero si Lola lang ang hindi nagagalit sa akin at ini-spoil pa ako.

Dahil abala sa kakalaro noon, hindi ko napansin na bumababa si Lola sa hagdan. Mahina na siya that time kaya kailangang tulungan. Pero hindi ko napansin dahil nga naglalaro.

I just know that when I turned to face her, nasa sahig na siya at duguan ang ulo. Before she finally closed her eyes, she managed to cupped my face and smile at me.

Smile that says it's okay. It's not my fault. I shouldn't blame my self. That no one liked what happened and no one is to be blame.

Her smile says that it's an accident.

No one blame me after that. Pero sa mga ipinapakita nila Mama, lalo na si Papa, ramdam ko. They're silently blaming me for it.

"Tss," I groaned when a tear fell.

I never cried. No one can make me cry. Kahit pa minsan ay masyado ng masakit ang mga salita ni Papa. Hindi ako umiiyak.

It is my Lola that can only make me feel this way. Siya lang. And I think, may parents are right. That it's my fault.

Years of being in our mansion makes me feel like I'm in a cage. I'm a puppet. And sometimes the idea of taking away my own life crosses my mind.

But something I do not know is stopping me. Hindi ko alam, pero sa tuwing gagawin ko na ay natitigilan ako.

I feel like there's something out there that will give me worth. That will slap to my face what's my purpose. I don't know. Maybe I'm just going crazy.

--*--

Mariin akong napapikit ng makaramdam ng sakit sa buong katawan. This. The bone marrow is the target of this disease. And damn it, my arms and legs hurts!

"Okay ka lang, Ate?"

Nagbaba ako ng tingin kay Kiro na nasa tabi ko. Lahat naman sila ngayon ay tumingin na sa akin.

Gabi na, at nagplano silang mag-movie marathon kami. Madilim ang buong kwarto para ma-high light ang nasa projector. Sila Mama at Papa, Kuya at Ate ay nakaupo sa pahabang sofa. Habang nasa sahig na nakaupo ang parehong si Juvi at Paul.

I tried my best and gathered all my left strength just to smile at him.

"Y-Yes, baby. Okay lang ako. Why?"

Ang maliit niyang kamay ay dumapo sa pisngi ko. He's only four years old. Yet his eyes looks like he has lots to say but can't tell.

"Are you okay, Athena?" Daddy asked.

"Yes, Daddy," nakangiti kong sagot sakanya.

Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Kiro na nasa tabi ko at nakatitig pa rin sa akin. Nagulat ako nang bigla niya akong yakapin. Lahat sila ay sa aming dalawa na nakatingin.

Suddenly, I felt my baby brother's shoulders moved. I tried to look at his face but he refused. Nanatili siyang nakabaon sa dibdib ko.

"K-Kiro," nanghihina kong sabi.

"I don't want you die. You'll live. You'll live," he chanted.

I closed my eyes and hugged him tight. Kahit masakit ang mga buto buto ko ay sinikap kong yakapin siya.

The sounds of his sobs is all we can hear all over the room. Surpassing the voices in the movie in front.

"I-I will... I promise..." I whispered, as weak as a new born kitten.

We didn't make it to the end. Hindi na natapos pa ang Five Feet Apart na movie. Although nakakarelate ako sa sakit, hindi naman sa love life noong babae. At nakatulog na kasi si Kiro kaya hininto na at umuwi na sila Mama.

Besides, bawal din ako magpuyat.

Ang naiwan lang ay si Kuya Troy. Si Ate kasi may trabaho rin bukas kaya kailangang sumama pauwi.

"What?" tanong ko sakanya nang nakatitig lang siya sa akin.

Hinila niya ang upuan palapit sa tabi ko at umupo roon. Nakahiga na ako at handa ng matulog. Siya naman ngayon ang naka-toka para bantayan ako.

When his hazel eyes landed on me, I almost cry. It is filled with so much sadness, I know. I can see it. Hindi siya mahirap basahin.

Although kalbo, gwapo pa rin siya tignan. We shared the same features. We have the same perfect angled jaw, thick brows, pointed nose, and pouty pink lips. Ang kaibahan lang ata ay ang aming mga mata. His are hazel while mine is a mixture of dark brown and green.

Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko. "Don't give up, okay? Huwag kang mawawala. Hindi makakaya ng kuya..."

Yumuko siya at humikbi. The sound of the blowing wind outside the window enveloped us. The coldness it give didn't even make me shiver. The image of my brother crying in front of me, that is.

"I still have years to spend! Matagal niyo pa akong makakasama!"

Weakly, I pulled him for a hug. And that's when he buried his face on my neck and cried harder. Oh God, please take away his pain. Okay na yung ako lang.

"We are working harder. I get myself a three jobs in a day, Athena. Just to maintain you're good condition... Huwag mong isipin na sinasabi ko 'to para manumbat. I am saying this for you to be braver and to gain more strength to fight your battle..."

Bumitiw siya sa yakap. Hinawakan niya ang likod ng ulo ko at naramdaman ang pagdampi ng labi niya sa aking noo.

Napapikit ako at tumulo ang mga luha.

"I'll do everything for you. Kahit pa magkanda kuba kuba ako. Remember that..."