My First Real Crush [Larry Stylinson]

*15*

We walk all the way to the bench we had sat on the very first night we were here. Harry immediately rests his head on my shoulder, and I rest my head on top of his. I smile like an idiot as we look out into the rest of the world. Such a big world for such a small man. I don't think I'll ever be able to face it alone. The only scenario I can think of where the world doesn't seem so big and scary, is the one with Harry holding my hand all the way through it. I need him.

"Lubba?" My thoughts are interrupted.

"Yeah Hazza?"

"I'm scared." He lifts his head up, pushing my head off of his, as he looks into my eyes. I could almost get lost in those eyes. It takes so much work to not drift off and to actually listen to what Harry wants to say.

"Why are you scared Hazza?"

I see him look down for a moment, a flash of fear shining from his eyes.

Oh boy, he is scared. Why? I don't ever want my Hazza to be scared.

"Well, I guess I'm also just confused." He looks back up to me. His face is painted with so much pain, confusion, and fear it makes me want to curl into a ball and never see the light of day again. He looks so lost, it breaks me.

"Hazza, talk to me. Please." I feel my hands move out as they reach for something. I grab both of Harry's hands in mine as I continue to stare into his big emerald eyes.

He looks down at our hands and back up to me. Usually I would freak out and start overthinking what he could be feeling at this moment, but right now I only care about my Hazza being so scared.

"I'm so confused with my feelings right now. I can't tell you much but I'm starting to question so many things and I don't know how I'm feeling and everything is so complicated. I just want to be able to understand everything and be able to deal with my problems and figure out what I want, and I want the confidence to go out and grab that thing," I feel him squeeze my hands tighter, "I want to claim it as mine, but there are so many factors and so many things that could go wrong. I just feel like the world doesn't want me to be happy and it's not telling me what I want and I'm just so confused. I'm scared Lubba. I don't know what to do."

I see tears form in his eyes and it breaks my whole soul in half. I feel like my body is decomposing right here in this moment. I let go of his hands and reach my arms out, welcoming Harry in a hug. He scoots closer and I watch as he completely goes limp into my arms. He melts into my embrace and all I want to do at that moment is keep him in my arms, where I hope he feels safe, forever and not let anything or anyone bad get to him. He's such a pure soul and he deserves nothing but good fortune and love from everyone, but he doesn't always get that and I'm so confused why. There are people who will ruthlessly send hate towards him, call him a fag, a womanizer, and just try their best to break him. It's horrible. I watch him sometimes when he's in the kitchen or in a room alone on his phone and I can tell when he's reading hate because tears form in his eyes as he tries to smile them away. He tries to act like they don't get to him and that he knows that they're just broken people behind screens who only do it because they're upset with themselves, but I watch as the love of my life, the most golden boy in the world, starts to question if he's good enough. It kills me and tears every bit of belief in the goodness of this world to shreds. A boy as special and as bright as Harry should never ever feel that way.

I grip my arms around his body tightly and mumble little words of comfort into his ears as I hear him cry against my chest.

My poor baby, who made you feel like this? Why can't you tell me?

"Hazza, what feelings are you confused about? Are you questioning being alive?" I say, hoping to God that he doesn't say yes.

"No, no I'm not questioning that." He let's go of me and sits back up straight as relief floods my entire body.

"Then what is it?" I ask as he wipes tears away from his eyes.

"I... I think I might be in love. But I don't know for sure. Things are so confusing and I'm so confused! It's so sucky not being able to know how I feel. Louis I just want to understand!"

I feel my heart break again. He's in love? With who? Who is she? Why can't it be me?

I push those questions to the side and focus on comforting a broken Hazza.

"The world is rarely ever fair, it rarely ever throws us good hands and watches as we half-ass our way through everything, but to make up for it, it gives us things like family, best friends, and soulmates." I take his hands in mine again. "The world knew our lives would be difficult, so they gave us a bit of help. If you think about all of the things that needed to happen for us to be put into this band, for us to meet each other, for you and me to be so close. There's thousands of little coincidences that happened and it makes us realize, the world is not against us. It doesn't fight it's hardest to try and make our lives miserable. It wants to watch us succeed, but of course success doesn't usually come easily. You're just experiencing a rough patch or a pothole, you can think about it as, in your path. But like all real potholes, you'll make it over it and back onto smooth ground, you just need to keep your balance. As for whomever you think you might be in love with. They are incredibly lucky. To have THE Harry Styles, son of Anne, brother of Gemma, lead singer in White Eskimo, kindest soul out there, oh and I think he might also sing in a different band called One Direction," I say, looking up pretending to be thinking about something, "like you! I mean that's a dream. I would kill to be them." Not a single lie left my mouth. Not a single one.

"You would?" He asks, seriously considering saying something, but I'm not sure what.

"Of course I would! If you loved me Harry, I think I would faint from joy." I smile and watch as he wipes more tears away.

"Lubba, I think I love-"

"Boys what are you doing here?"

Both of our heads snap in the direction of the road to see both of our moms walking.

Shit, Harry was about to tell me who he loves. You gotta be kidding me mom. I love you but stop being a cockblock.

"We both woke up early and couldn't go back to bed so we went on a walk. We'll come walk with you." Harry says, rapidly standing up and wiping his tears from his eyes. He doesn't even wait for me to get up before he runs over to our moms. I sigh and stand up slowly. They wait for me and once I catch up, Harry pulls me back and whispers, "Thanks Lubba, you have no idea how much that helped me." Then continued to walk next to his mom as I walked up on the side of my mom.

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A/N

'It Is What It Is'

Forget what's been bugging you recently because as the king himself said, 'It Is What It Is'.  And as his husband said, 'Don't worry, everything's going to be fine...'

Listen to the husbands, they're right

What's your favorite Larry moment??

One of mine is when they are very young and singing the cover of Grenade by Bruno Mars, and Harry hands Louis his love, AHHHHHH!  I'm going to go cry in Larry Stylinson now