Finer Things // h.s.

Goodbye once more, my love

Idiot.

"Heat of the moment I guess..." She says and I watch her face drop down as she hugs her knees to her chest, resting her chin on top of them. 

I hope to god that isn't what she really thinks... Is it?

I watch as she closes her eyes and bites down on her lip, not ready to talk.

"They weren't mistakes. Do you think they were mistakes?" I say and watch her face completely drop. She swallows hard and blinks away at tears.

"Not once." She says softly and gives me a weak smile.

I smile back at her but she's quick to look away back to the ocean. This morning i planned to tell her I love her, this morning I was going to live up to the person she wanted. But truth it, I turn into the shy sixteen year old who had the biggest crush on my best friend the moment she smiles. 

"We chose some really stupid jobs, didn't we?" She says with a laughter and I watch a single tear roll down her cheek as she wipes it away with the sleeve of her hoodie and I chuckle back, shaking my head at the marvellous girl in front of me. The girl I'm afraid to love.

"No, we chose jobs that fulfil our hearts." I say pulling her into the side of me, wrapping my arms around her as she puts the blanket over us.

"That's true... but it also demands us to remove the people who fulfil our hearts." She responds and I feel my lips part, she means me.

"I know, baby." I say, not thinking as I let the word slip. She doesn't react, rather closes her eyes and furrows her brow as she rests her head on top of her knees.

We sit here as the sun comes up from the ocean, setting the dark abyss afire with its golden rays. The glow of the morning sun ignites my chest as I sit here with someone, I never knew I would fall in love with. The winds come to a slow as the sun rises and the feeling of emptiness begins to vanish, but I know once I step foot on the plane this afternoon the emptiness will consume me, and I'll miss her beyond understanding. I want nothing more than to pull her into an embrace and tell her how crazy in love with her I am, she stares into the sunset sleepily with a blank expression on her face, her nose slightly pink from the cold air, and in this moment it occurs to me that I would pay as much money as needed to know what's on her mind. All at once it hits me that we're back at square one, she sits a little away from me with her guard up and I'm afraid to tell her how I feel. I don't know when I'll be able to do this again. Be here with her in this moment, her bed hair falling over her shoulders, her soft sniffles and the complete feeling of happiness I am experiencing grow from my heart out, intoxicating every vein I have so i do the only thing I know what to do with her in moments like this, in New York, in Rome, at home and here, so I stand to my feet and offer my hand to her.

"Dance with me, Matilda Jackson." I say.

"Any day, time or place... Harold Styles." She says raising an eyebrow as I pull her to her feet and we collide into one another, her arms wrapped around my neck as I drop mine to her waist. We stand together, holding one another in the morning sun, the way two friends shouldn't hold each other. The weather is cold, but I feel golden.

Golden.

"Harry?" She whispers into my ear and I lose track of my thinking, her warm breath contrasting against my cold skin.

"Yes?" I say.

"What happens when we go our separate ways?"

"Tilly, as much as I want to, I can't promise you anything." I say and I feel a physical pain in my chest. She pushes her head into my chest, and I know she's concealing her emotions from me, this time I let her because if she lifts her head, she'll see the tears that escape my own eyes and we'll stand here slow dancing on the beach like two sappy old friends.