Scandal | H.S.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟐

    "Oh? Well, what about?" He urges on, leaning forward as he places his elbows on his knees, his blue eyes trained to me with his lips pursed.

    "Uh- well, I don't know how to go about this." I placed the bottle on the coffee table, now fiddling with my hands, my nails scratching through the cuticles as I feel Niall's gaze trained on me.

    "Well spit it out Kenna, we don't have all day." He says lightly, chuckling to himself. Wow, Ni.

    "Uh, well, for starters, what are we?" I ask, finally meeting his blue gaze, which spoke a myriad of different things, but one thing I noticed was confusion.

    "Uh, we didn't care about labels, we just went with the flow. But, as far as I know we're exclusive." He spoke, his eyes suddenly glancing around his living room, avoiding my gaze.

    "Niall, I- I uh."

    "You don't wanna continue this anymore do you?" He hung his head, the tension in the room suddenly awkward and heavy.

    "Ni, don't take it personally. I just-," I groaned, this was fucking harder than expected.

    "You just want to be honest." He sighed out, finally meeting my gaze and giving me a small tight-lipped smile.

    "It was never my intention to hurt you, Ni. Please know that." I said softly, moving closer to him as I place my hand on his jaw, but he flinched. I quickly retracted my hand, tears welling up in my eyes at the fact that I may lose a friend.

    "I'm sorry, Ni." I breathe out, keeping my tears at bay. I'm not supposed to be crying here. It's my fault I dragged him into my mess.

    "No McKenna, I'm sorry. Sorry that I thought we even had a chance." He cried out, his beautiful baby blues welling with tears as he tries to mask his pain.

    I sat there speechless, not a single word crossed my mind as Niall looked at me with tears in his eyes.

    "I-uh, I think it's best if you leave." He turned his head away from me, looking to his window, avoiding my gaze as he spoke.

    "Y-yeah, alright. I'm really sorry Niall." I didn't get anything but a small nod in response, I guess thats my cue to leave.

    It wasn't until I closed his front door, that I heard a crash in his apartment, and a loud 'Fuck!' following shortly after. This made my tears pour faster than I had ever experienced. If there's one thing that pains me the most, it's being the cause of other people's pain.

    I had managed to leave his apartment complex, and rush straight home, wanting only to be comforted by the four walls of my studio. Being in there makes me feel safe from everything.

    As soon as I got home, I rushed straight into the studio, managing to lock it, before I burst into tears. Call me an emotional mess, but you would not want to be in the position I was in. It was supposed to be a breath of relief to finally admit to Niall the thoughts that have been swirling around in my mind since Harry's last visit, but I can't seem to figure out why this is still weighing so heavily.

    Maybe it's the guilt? Who knows. All I know is that this pain of hurting someone else is weighing too heavily on me, and the only escape I can think of is song writing.

    ***

    3 hours and 2 Red Bull's later, I had half of my journal filled with songs, that some were just plain stupid, whilst the others hold more vulnerability than I had ever wished to express. I decided it was probably time to eat, since the only thing I've consumed in the last few hours were 2 cans of Red Bull.