ALL MY DAYS

The blow was hard..yet I didn't feel it. The silence was loud..yet..I didnt hear it. Her voice spoke to me..yet I couldn't reply. My pain was overwhelming..yet..I blocked it out. My heart was broken..yet..I felt fine.
All these things were like a floodgate to me. They held me together like a stitch in time.
Maybe like a dam that had already broken..yet..you stood your ground.
Her eyes were in my mirror when I shaved of the morning. That's when I decided to let my beard grow out.
I realized her eyes were in my children's eyes. I then looked into the blue sky. It was then I tried to escape the harsh reality that my Mom had left this world.
She hadn't gone grocery shopping. She hadn't called me. She hadn't been in my house.
My Mom was nowhere to be found. I stood and stood and tried to remember what her voice sounded like.
I could hear her say..Lay that knife on the back of the sink. My hands began to sweat. I felt her shake my hand like she did at bedtime before i went to sleep as a child.
I quickly looked away as if my thoughts would leave me.
My Mom was not coming back. No more kisses on my right cheek from her. No more calling me that special nickname.
I had her in my house. I had her on my phone. I heard her say so many times. Come visit me. The thoughts kept playing in my mind like an old vhs tape..dusty yet longing to be played. This saddened me. Going to visit someone is something money cannot buy.
Why did I have to remember all this today? I tried blocking it out. Where was my shield? Where was my brick wall? Where were my earplugs?
I loved my Mom.She was awesome and full of life.
She often said.. don't tell people how I passed. Tell them how I lived my life. Her Mom always said that to her she said.
My Mom always gave her time and love. She said it was things money couldn't buy.
Why is it..that people will come for miles to bury you but they wont't walk across the yard to visit you while you are living?
Your Mom has departed this world but she will forever be in your heart..your eyes..your mind..and in everything you do..you will hear her say .Good job you got this! Her legacy will live on.
Remember..to get here..you have to go there. Love always Mom.