A Thousand Reasons to Live [On Hold]

A Thousand Reasons - Chapter 1

Throughout the entire day, Noah Farris had been afraid that someone else, a teacher or student, would notice the incessant rattling coming from his pocket.  He had finally plucked up the guts to do what he felt he had to, and he hardly needed to give himself away in such a manner.  Luckily, though, no one paid him any mind.  They never did.

He sat through Chemistry class, staring at the clock, his exam paper turned face-down on the desk.  The clock seemed to be moving somehow faster today.  Most of the other students were whispering amongst themselves, waiting cheerfully for the bell to ring so they could go to the next class, the last of the year.  Noah, however, laid his head onto his desk and gripped his stomach, feeling queasy.   Suck it up, Noah, he thought to himself, you've been planning this long enough.  Don't let fear get the best of you now.

The bell clanged loudly, causing Noah to jump.  His stomach did somersaults as he dropped his paper into the tray on the teacher's desk and walked out of the room, the only one in the queue who wasn't chatting and laughing with the others.

Immediately when in the hallway, he ducked around a corner and got a drink from the water fountain, in hopes of calming his nerves.  When he turned around, it was to find two freshman cringing away from him, and deciding to pass on the drink of water.  Noah was used to that.  AIDS may not be contagious, but that never stopped it from frightening anyone off.

Oh, well.  That wasn't going to matter in a few minutes.

The warning bell sounded, and the students all began to trickle into the classrooms.  Noah, however, darted into the bathroom.  He stopped to listen; he seemed to be alone.  With a breath of relief, he walked purposefully into the last stall and turned the lock behind him.

His hands shook as he lifted the small bottle from his pocket.  He grabbed at the lid, but found that his fingers were shaking too much to open it.  Groaning, he got onto his knees on the cold bathroom tiles, gazing into the bowl of the toilet.  Perhaps vomiting wouldn't be unreasonable here; no, he hadn't eaten anything at lunch.

He turned around to face the door instead as the ringing of the final bell reverberated in the hard walls of the bathroom.  The hallway was silent.  If you're going to do it, do it now, he told himself, You're so close.

Fingers shaking harder than ever, he pushed down on the bottle's cap and twisted it open.  Dizziness clouded his head as he gazed in at the innocent-looking white pills filling the bottle, and he was pretty sure that if he didn't do it now, he'd black out.

Go on.  Just one swig, and it'll all be over.

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you."

The voice spoke suddenly, so suddenly that it caused Noah to jump, and a few of the pills to go clattering across the floor.  He turned his head every which way, searching for the source of the voice, and saw a face staring down at him from the next stall over, with dark, shaggy hair and a rather large nose and ears.

"What are you doing?" Noah snapped at him.

"Standing on a toilet," his companion replied casually.  "And I don't need to ask what you're doin'.  Tryin' to take the easy way out, huh?"

"I'd hardly expect you to get it," Noah glowered at the cocky-looking face, "Haven't you got a class you should be in?"

"Study hall.  And I could've asked you the same."

The face ducked back into its own stall, and suddenly the lock on Noah's door began to rattle.  It opened to reveal the full person belonging to the face; fairly tall and broad-shouldered, wearing baggy clothes and extremely large sneakers.

"Isaac," he said shortly.

"What?"

"That's my name.  Anyone but you would've told me theirs back."

"Oh, erm, Noah," he said, holding out his empty hand uncertainly.  Isaac ignored it, transfixed on the hand holding the bottle of pills.  "What are those?"

"Nothing," Noah responded hastily holding his hand behind his back, but Isaac was quick, and easily snatched it out of his hand.  "Sleeping pills, huh?" he said, turning the bottle over in his hand, "Yeah, I expected.  That's the one most people go with, isn't it?"

"Look, what do you--"

"I'm not stupid," Isaac said, "I know what you were planning on doing in here.  Bet it took you a lot o' guts, huh, kid?"

"Listen," Noah growled, "Just give those back to me.  This is none of your business."

"Yes it is," Isaac replied dryly, "See, I'm involved now.  If I give these things back to you, then that would make me sort of an accomplice wouldn't it?  Nah, I don't think I want that."

Noah snatched at the bottle, but the other pulled it out of his reach.  "Look," Noah seethed, "I told you before you wouldn't get it.  You don't have AIDS.  You don't know what I've gone through.  Just hand me the pills, and I can get out of it all.  Please."

Isaac, however, smiled and shook his head.  "Bet you didn't think this over too great, did you?  Just decided this morning that you'd had it and grabbed the first thing you could get from the medicine cabinet.  Well, I'll tell you what you're getting into.  You think that you take a bunch of the pills, fall asleep, and wake up lookin' at the golden gates, right?  Well, it's not that simple.  All those chemicals in you is right painful.  It feels like it's burnin' you from the inside out, not to mention the convulsions.  Some people even get gangrene from it.  And then, it won't kill you right away, so I'll have time to get someone in here and save you.  Then, you've got to deal with stomach pumpin' and caster oil and all that junk, maybe even some surgeries."

His grinned widened at the disgusted look on Noah's face.  "I-- I--"

"I know," Isaac nodded, "You didn't think about it.  You just wanted out.  Well, take it from me.  Once you've failed once you never try again.  I'd know."

He walked swiftly over to the toilet and dumped the entire contents of the bottle.  "What'd you do that for?!" Noah cried, grabbing the bottle back in hopes that at least a few of the pills had somehow managed to hold their place inside; none had.

"Trust me," Isaac grunted flatly, flushing the toilet with his foot, "You'll thank me for this eventually."