Suicide Thoughts, No More

Untitled Part 1

Dear Mother, Father, and Cheryl,

I cant, I cant go on...

To Mother: I HATE YOU! You scream at me! I cant take your abuse!!! When i do die, You will not cry, you will not weep. Goodbye.

To Father: Why did you always come home druck every night? Why did u ever hit Cheryl? You screamed at mother. When i am gona you will regret everything you have done.

To Cheryl: Cheryl, my dear sister, I love you dearly, and i am sorry about Father and Mother. If they do anything, anything in all to hurt you, just pray, and the lord and i will hear your prayers. I have prayed so much but not much has gotten better.

So know you all know why i am leaving all of you forever. Goodbye. Father, i hate you, Mother, i hate you and Cheryl, you are the only one who can cry for me.

I pull my crimson hair to the side and wipe a tear off my cheak as i am writing this.

Then my father walks in and is stumbling all around my room. Drunk. He looks at me and calls me a useless daughter and that im just taking up space in the world. He walks over to me and i cringe. He swings my arm back and slapps me hard on the cheak. Tears stream down my face.

"Lexxi..Your such....a...wusss..like...your mother....."

He leaves my room and laying on my bed crying. Then im digging in my drawr for my blade. Once i find it, I roll up my sleeve but then i realize that, i have so many scars on my arms I dont think ill have any room for more, so i roll up my pant leg and make three cuts into my ankle. Blood drips down my ankle, then i clean myself up and try to hide it like i have been doing for three years. My parents dont know....Neither does Cheryl. Even me and my sister are so close, i can bear to see her face if i tell her. So i dont. My sister is 14. Im 16. Our parents have been abusing us since she was 11 and since I was 13. My father started leaving the house, coming home late and he was also always drunk. Then it all happened to my mother. She started doing drugs and dringing. They both wouldnt stop and sooner or later they started hurting us.

I wake up with my eyes wet and the screaming of my parents downstairs.

I looked at my phone, 12:48 Pm. Typical. They usually fight this late. I lay back down, i have school tomorrow. I fall asleep crying.

As soon as i wake up in the morning, i realize, i woke up late again. So i rush and grab my black ripped jeans and a long sleeved red shirt and a black leather jacket, brush my hair, and quickly do my eyeliner and macara. I put on my black converse then i grabbed my bag and race out the door. I dont have my lisence so i had to run to my bus stop. I made it as soon as the bus got there. i went to my usual seat in the back of the bus and put in my headphones. I blast Black Rose Dying by Bless The Fall. I close my eyes then all of a sudden i get kicked in the leg.

"What the hell?!" i yell.

Some girly pricks and some guys laugh so i stand up and grab one of the girls by her pony tail.

"I swear to faqing god if u or any of your friends touch me again i will find your house and i will kill you in your sleep." I growled.

"what ever you faqing fag. BTW im not lezbo." the girl and her friends laugh and i just sit back in my seat.

Once we get to school i walk straight to class and sit in my seat in the back. The classroom slowly fills and once the bell rings the teacher tells us to read. I get my book out of my bag. "Intensity" By Dean Koontz. I read for about 5 mins and then the counsoler walks in. She has a student with her, someone i have never seen before.

"Mrs.Jones? You are going to be having a new student in you homeroom class. This is Gage Smith."

He was pretty cute. He had long black scene hair, spider bite piercings, he wore all black and from what i could hear, was listening to...Panic! At the Disco. He had his earbuds in but everyone could hear his music.