Sweet Caroline

#63 The verdict

Not that she needs me, of course. She has Nathan and Elise and so many other people who love her. It's just that now our secret is out, Nathan and I don't have any reason not to try and see if we can make our future happen now. Even though he is still scared that we're moving too fast, he's also excited to take me out on dates without having to drive to a different town.

Our first date at the movie theatre is a little awkward, because we keep running into parents from the school who stare at us like he's a three-headed dragon dating a mermaid. Which would make me a mermaid. Okay, my metaphors suck, but the point is that we get a lot of stares.

Nathan doesn't face any fallout while I get shitloads of nastiness poured over me every single day. It all starts with Gracie's mother who demands that her daughter gets the leading part in the play we're working on for the Easter celebration. When I don't comply, she insists that Gracie should at least get a bigger part than Rose, because it wouldn't be fair if I was playing favorites. Not all parents know that Nathan and I are together at that point, but luckily Gracie's mom is more than happy to tell everyone. The playground is buzzing with the news for days.

When my second week after the trail starts, everyone knows. And when I say everyone, I truly mean everyone. Not just the parents of the kids in my class – no, every single parent of every single kid in the entire school. All my colleagues. The girl behind the cash register at the grocery store. My mailman. Everyone. And for some reason, they all think that I did something horrible, while no one even blinks an eye at Nathan.

"That's her," someone whispers behind me in the line at the pharmacy. "The teacher dating a dad of one of the kids in her class. It's that ex-convict who cheated on his ex-wife."

"Unbelievable," her friend mumbles back. "You must be really desperate to go for a guy like that."

It's annoying that I can't snap back when I hear people talk about me, because that woul donly make things worse. When I talk to Nathan about it, he seems surprised just how cruel people are. He doesn't get quite as much crap as I do. I'm happy for him, I really am, but it's so unfair that I get pissy with him a few times before reigning in my grumpiness and realizing that none of this is his fault. We also have a huge fight about what to do about Rose. It takes a few days before the kids catch on that there's something weird going on with me, but I know that it's only a matter of time before the parents start telling the kids. Or one of the kids might overhear their mom gossiping or something... Fact is, Rose will find out even if Elise keeps her mouth shut. And I don't want her to find out from anyone other than Nathan and me.

"It's the mid-winter break now," I remind Nathan, handing him his beer. "The kids already know something is up, mostly because parents keep coming in to demand that I give their kid special treatment to prove that I'm not favoring Rose above the others. I just know that it'll only get worse when this week is over and it's just a matter of time before Rose hears something about her teacher dating her father. We need to tell her."

"No!" he says for the millionth time. "No, we don't."

"Come on," I sigh, slumping down on his couch while I hand him the TV remote. "You know I'm right. And I'm not saying that this is the perfect time or that I am going to move in or anything like that. I just think that we owe it to Rose to let her know in the best way possible and not because she overhears Gracie's mom yelling at me."

"No," Nathan just repeats, flipping through the movie selection on the screen. "We're not telling her."

He puts on a movie that I hate – and I'm pretty sure he knows that I get nightmares when I watch this movie, because I remember telling him not that long ago. He's really getting on my nerves. He's just living his life, doing his job, raising his kid... without anyone throwing him any shade. In the meantime, I am miserable and fighting for my job. I'm not asking him for something ridiculous or impossible. I'm not even asking it for myself. Why am I the one fighting for Rose while he is just sticking his head in the sand?

And why? Why would it be so bad if the knew? Sure, we haven't been together that long, but we're serious... right? We were always going to tell her eventually... right? We are doing so well, aside from this one dispute. I met his sister at the trial, and we have plans for me to meet his mother in a few days. My parents came over for dinner last weekend and they've truly accepted him as my boyfriend. That means something to me. It all does. I still want him.

The longer he ignores me and just watches TV, the more I begin to wonder if he's rethinking everything. Is he going to break up with me? After everything we went through, what I had to endure for him, is this how it will end?

"Nathan..." I grab the remote from his lap and pause the movie. "Talk to me. What's going on? Why is this such a big deal?"

He sighs and takes a swig from his beer bottle. "You don't have a kid," he says softly, not looking at me. "You don't understand."

"You're right, I don't!" I exclaim. "Explain it to me. Please, I just want to understand."

He nods and puts down his drink, finally facing me. His dark green eyes are hooded and he looks like he's having a hard time finding the right words. "Rose is my life, Caroline. She's everything to me. And she's been through so much. We've only just gotten rid of her mother's horrible boyfriend and I'm supposed to just tell her that I'm now going to bring my girlfriend into her life?"

"I'm not Trevor," I say quietly. "I would never hurt her."

"I know!" he replies immediately, his eyes going wide. "No, no, that's not what I mean, Caroline. I know you wouldn't! It's just... it's a lot."

"I'm already in her life," I remind him. "I'm her teacher, after all. And she likes me. I don't think she'd react that badly, honestly."

"Yeah, well, she'd not your kid. It's not your call to make." He turns to movie back on, like our argument is now settled.

I sigh and get up from the couch. "If this is how you're gonna be all night, then I am going-"

"You're seriously going home because we're having a disagreement?" Nathan spits out, his expression disapproving. "Real mature, Caroline. I guess you're showing your age after all."

"Fuck off," I roar back. "If you'd just let me finish, you'd have known that I was going to say that I am going to bed, not home. I am going to your bed, Nathan, in your home, where your daughter lives when she's not with Elise. Right now, I feel like an intruder instead of your girlfriend and I don't appreciate you calling me immature. If anyone if being stupid, it's you." I hold up a hand when he starts to apologize. "I don't want to hear it. In fact, I don't want to talk to you anymore unless you're willing to have a calm and rational conversation about this. Because you seem to be forgetting that I am having a shit time at work, half my colleagues hate me, pretty much all the parents suddenly act like I'm a horrible teacher and on top of all of that, my boyfriend – the one who caused this whole shitstorm – can't even admit that if he's not willing to tell his daughter about me, I will be the one to deal with the fallout at work on top of everything I'm already dealing with." I'm panting now. "Is it that much to ask that you have my back, Nathan?"