Sweet Caroline

#59 Apologies for breakfast

"So you don't think I'm an easy slut?" I spit back, anger bubbling up again. "Because you're right, you know. I do sleep with men shortly after meeting them. It didn't take you a lot of time or effort to get me in bed with you that first night. And the first dozen times we slept together, I didn't even know your last name. How is that not easy? How is that not slutty?"

Nathan shakes his head and squeezes my hand. "Don't talk about yourself like that, Caroline. I did all those things too, remember? It's not like I knew more than your name and address when we started sleeping together. And I sure as hell don't feel slutty."

"That's because when a guy does that, he's a player." This is something that has always annoyed me. Guys that sleep around are cool and get high fives. Girls like me get called out for being slutty, even though I slept with less people than Nathan did. Hell, I'm sure a lot of people find me slutty while Nathan isn't even considered a player.

I'm tired and I just want this fight to be over, so I allow Nathan to pull me against him. He rubs my arms and my back, pressing his face into my hair. "I'm so sorry," he whispers. "You were right about everything you said last night. I am such an asshole."

"Yeah," I breathe. "You are."

Still, I don't stop him when he kisses me on the lips. I sigh into the kiss, melting against him the way I always do. It just feels so right to be with him, even after hearing him talk about me with such utter disrespect. I pull back after a moment, memories of what he said rearing their ugly heads again.

"What did you mean when you said that I am too intense?" I ask, frowning. "I heard you tell Sean and Angelo that you're glad about the fact that you can't spend more time with me. Why?"

He shakes his head and grunts. "That's not how I meant it. What I mean is that when I'm with you... It's intense, Caroline. It just is. I want you so badly, all the time. And I don't just mean that in a sexual way, but I just want to share everything about myself with you. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms every night and wake up next to you and have dinner together and to introduce you to my family and Elise and Rose and..." He takes a deep breath to keep himself from rambling on.

"No, that's not what you said," I argue. "You said that I am intense. Me. As a person. What did you mean? What is so intense about me?"

"Everything!" he says a little too loud. "And that's not a bad thing, Caroline. You're just... hell, the way you stood up to Angelo two days ago. That was intense. I don't know anyone who would just confront him like that. Do don't do thing half-assed and you always, always speak your mind. I love that about you, but yeah, it's intense." He holds up a hand when I open my mouth. "Let me explain. I don't mean that you're too intense. I don't think I said that, actually, but hell, I was drunk, so I can't be sure. You just completely suck me into this love bubble when you're with me. Every time I feel like we might be going too fast, I take one look at you and I want to go even faster instead of hitting the breaks. I know that I do this, I dive into things, I don't stop to think and take a minute to evaluate things. That's what I meant when I said that it might be for the best that I get space from you every other week. If I didn't, I don't know what I would do. If I didn't have a daughter, I'm pretty sure I would be asking you to move in with me already. Hell, you would have moved in a while ago, to be honest."

"Wow," I breathe. "Okay, yeah, that's pretty intense."

He laughs, relief flooding his body when he sees I'm not mad anymore. "Yeah, exactly. And I'm pretty sure that I'm intense too, right? I mean, I'm always gazing at you and calling you and waiting for you when you come back from work..."

I lean in to kiss him softly. "Yeah, you're intense, but that's one of the things I like most about you. And normally, you are also very kind and respectful. Last night, you weren't."

"I know. I will never discuss our sex life ever again," he vows.

"Nathan, that's not the problem at all," I reply with a sigh. Why isn't he getting this? "You can talk about it. Trust me, Shaughna and Tiffany know all about you cuffing me to the bed and smacking me. It's a little hard to hide how rough you are since you're always marking me with bites and bruises. I don't care if you talk to your friends about that. It's the way you talked about it. You weren't just sharing experiences with them. You were talking about me like..."

"I get it," he says, understanding finally flashing in his eyes. "I do. I was just... I don't know. Like I said, I was drunk, but that's no excuse. We were just talking and it felt so great to finally get to talk to my friends about you face to face... I got carried away."

"Hmmm..." I murmur when he starts massaging my thighs. "That's not fair, Nate. You know I love it when you do that." My muscles turn to pudding underneath his strong hands and he knows that I can't help but melt when he touches me like that.

"I swear I'll make up for this horrible weekend." He leans in to kiss my neck, his teeth grazing my skin. "I won't talk about you in anything but a perfectly respectful manner ever again. I swear."

I moan when one of his hands moves up, grabbing me roughly and pulling me unto his lap. We kiss hungrily as I straddle him, enjoying how hard he's getting against me. His fingers dig into my ass and I grunt into our kiss, wishing we were home right now. With a start, I realize that we're still in a public park, where people can see us. At the same time, it's exhilarating that while it would be embarrassing to be spotted like this, it wouldn't be catastrophic. No one knows us here. If someone sees us, we would feel embarrassed, but I wouldn't have to wonder if I would lose my job because of it or that it would get back to Elise.

"We should get back," I breathe when we finally break apart long enough to regain some brainpower. "Because I may not be mad at you anymore, but I'm also not going to have make-up sex with you in a goddamn park."

He groans. "One more kiss?"

Another moan escaped my mouth when he grinds again me while his teeth find my earlobe.

"And you call me insatiable," I tease him before I get up. "I think that if either one of us is a sex addict, it's you."

He seems surprised that I'm making light of something he said last night, but he's sure not going to say anything to mess things up for himself again. "I'm sure as hell addicted to you," he confesses with a smile. "How could I not be?"

He puts an arm around me while we walk back at a slow pace. I know that last night will come up again and that it'll take a while for the pain he caused to truly go away, but I also know that Nathan is not really an asshole. I'm not willing to give up on all the wonderful things in our relationship just because he fucked up. If he does this again, though... I don't know if I will be so forgiving next time, to be honest.