Sweet Caroline

#29 New Year's Eve

"He said that he will call you back." Shaughna pours both of us some more champagne. "That means you have some time to figure out what you want to tell him. Are you gonna play it cool or confess your undying love for him?"

I roll my eyes at her. "Something in between, I guess."

When she's busy with her hair and make-up, I message Nathan. I just can't wait around for him to call me back. I'm not hooking up with anyone. I pause, wondering what else I can say. There's no rush to call me back. Focus on Rose.

I refuse to be the girl that waits by the phone all night, so I get into my dress and do my make-up as well. I deserve a night of fun and God knows I need a distraction from everything that went down the past couple of months. I moved away to start my life over, but I guess you can't run from yourself, now can you? Not that I hate myself, but I never seem to just find a guy and have an easy relationship that actually works out. Drama follows me around wherever I go, apparently.

We're almost out the door when Shaughna turns to me and fidgets with her keys.

"Spit it out," I tell her. She's nervous and Shaughna almost never gets nervous.

"I was thinking..." She hesitates. "We could just go the club to celebrate this godawful year being over, but my friends – your friends – are actually at..."

"Yeah, at...?"

"At Dshawn's."

"Oh, sure, let's go." Why is she being so weird about this? A party at Dshawn's place sounds great. He was famous for his parties back in college. I met Danny at one of his parties. I'd even helped host a few of them back when I'd been dating Dshawn. It would be great to revisit the past. Preferably without Danny there, of course. From what Shaughna has told me, those two are definitely not talking to each other anymore after what Danny did to me, so I don't think he will show up tonight.

"Erm..." Shaughna looks like she's about to puke and she keeps playing with her keys. Hell, she doesn't even look me in the eye. "I have to tell you something."

"You like Dshawn."

Her head snaps up and she looks at me in utter shock. "Oh my God, did he tell you?"

"Tell me what?" It has been clear to me that she likes him ever since I saw them kiss. Shaughna would never kiss an ex of mine if she didn't have some type of feelings for him, not even when she's drunk. And she's been talking about him a lot. Too much, really.

"We erm..."

"Oh," I realize, a little surprised that I didn't figure this out sooner. "You slept with him."

"I'm so sorry!" She groans and pulls a shaking hand through her hair. "I should have told you right away. Well, I shouldn't even have done it without talking to you first. It's just..."

"You like him." It's not a question, I can see it in her eyes.

"Yeah, I do. And I don't know how that happened or when it happened or why or..." She keeps rambling on and on about how awful she feels. I rarely see Shaughna act like this. She hooks up with a lot of guys and she even proudly calls herself a slut sometimes. She had an intense relationship back when she was 18 with a guy that was totally wrong for her and it's like she's been afraid to love again after that relationship crashed and burned. I don't think she even truly liked someone after that. For her to get this flustered over Dshawn is a great thing. And after everything I went through the past months, it just doesn't seem important that he's technically my ex and that he's supposed to off limits to her. I don't want him like that, so what right do I have to tell her not to go for what she wants? Life is too short to worry about such unimportant things.

"Go for it," I tell her, cutting into her rambling speech.

"Really?" Her face is red, even through the thick coat of make-up. "Aren't you mad at me?"

"Of course not." I hug her, laughing at how relieved she is. "He's a good guy. And you're the best friend ever. I think it's great."

She squeals into my ear, making we wince. She's back to her regular peppy self in no-time and we get into the uber she called, arriving at Dshawn's place to find that the entire apartment complex he lives in is apparently in on the party. All doors are open and there are people everywhere, sitting on the stairs and the sidewalk. Yeah, it's a good thing he lives downtown where the noisy bars are, because this would not go over well in the neighborhood Shaughna lives in. Or my parents. Or me, for that matter. I smile when I try to imagine Annabel and Mr. Galf at this party.

"Come on," Shaughna pulls me up the stairs, bumping into a couple that's making out there. "Let's find our host."

Dshawn is easy to spot, since he's always the life of the party. He's standing on top of a table, yelling at a few of his friends who are doing shots. The moment he spots us, he grins and waves us over. We make our way through the crowd, greeting a few people I know from back in college. Dshawn hops down and puts an arm around both of us.

"My girls are here!" he yells and his friends cheer.

"I told her," Shaughna says, almost jumping out of her skin in excitement.

"Oh shit." Dshawn drops his arms and turns to face me, eyes wide. "I'm so sorry, Car, it just-"

"She's okay with it!" Shaughna says, not able to contain herself. That girl is firecracker. She's also a little buzzed from drinking most of the champagne herself since I didn't want to be drunk before arriving to the party.

"Really?" Dshawn grins and puts his arm back around her.

It's strange to actually see the two of them together, but in a good way. I hope he likes her as much as he likes her. If this crashes down on Shaughna, I'm afraid she won't let her guard down again for years, just like last time.

A guy I vaguely remember from back in the day shows up with shots for all of us and I throw mine back, hissing at it burns down my esophagus. Dshawn laughs at me and downs his with ease. That guy can drink anyone under the table.

Someone turns up the stereo and everyone cheers, starting to dance like crazy. I'm not buzzed enough to go completely crazy, but I sway to the music and watch the others jump around in a frenzy. Shaughna and Dshawn share a cute little kiss, probably not wanting to get into it with me watching. Honestly, I truly don't care. I know that not that long ago I was in bed with him, but there truly isn't a single body part that still wants Dshawn in any way, shape or form. He's my friend and I'd like him to stay my friend. That's it.

We dance for over an hour and with people bringing me shots, I do end up with a nice buzz. I know how to pace myself and I'm the only one here who drinks water now and then to stay hydrated, but I do feel rather tipsy after a while. Not that anyone is going to notice while they're all drunk or high or both. I head outside for a little bit and talk to some old college friends.

When I check my phone, I see that it's almost midnight. The New Year will start in about ten minutes and here I am, outside of a party. I'm having fun and it's a great night, but I would much rather be with Nathan, snuggled against him on the couch.

I don't have any missed calls and that hurts. No messages either. Soon doesn't mean shit, apparently. I grunt and head back in, not wanting to be out on the street when the ball drops. We all count down together, holding up our glasses and cheering when it's midnight. There's a drunk guy who wants to stick his tongue down my throat very much, but I push him off the moment he grabs me, not in the mood for this tonight. I don't need to kiss anyone at midnight.

I know I'm weak for doing it, but I look back down at my phone and see that I have a message from Nathan.

Come outside.

I frown and tap Shaughna's shoulder. She breaks away from Dshawn for a moment and smirks when she sees the message. She winks at me and gives me a shove toward the door. Part of me knows that this message can only mean one thing, but I find it hard to believe that Nathan would be here. He lives three hours from here, he's got a kid to take care of and an ex-wife in shambles. Besides, this is definitely not his scene. Why the hell would he be here?