pretty boys and dilaudid

Reid was a genius. He knew that he couldn't keep things hidden for long. Especially as the crushing sense of loneliness and fear took over his body. He just never expected things to fall apart that quickly.

Addicts. An addict by definition is a person who is addicted to a particular substance, typically an illegal drug.

He was in the staff bathroom, injecting dilaudid into his veins once again, desperate for the dopamine release. He knew it was risky especially since experiencing a trip at work could cause significant trouble, but the urges took over. He cleaned the needle, put away his tools, and turned towards the unlocked door to leave.

Unlocked.

"Pretty boy?"

"Shoot!" Reid stumbled backwards and hit the wall, flinching.

He had a hardened look on his face yet even Morgan could see the sadness in his eyes.

"You're high," he stated.

"Did you know that 1 in 6 adults experience addiction in their lifetime it- it's actually very interesting they don't even realize it the- the urge for them to relapse is so strong it-"

"Reid," Morgan sounded like he was about to lay an animal down, "you're rambling."

That's when Morgan got a good look at him. His face was flushed and hot, his hair flattened on his head but still disheveled, hands twitching like the panic was setting it. In short, he looked... exhausted.

On the other hand, Reid was internally panicking, wondering how the hell he was getting out of this one. He realized with a shudder that- that he couldn't.

He'd been caught red handed.

He knew it was futile to try but-

"Don't tell anyone Morgan- Derek, I could- I could lose my job oh my god no one will treat me the same I'll just be the drug addicted agent, unstable, not fit for cases."

He stared the other agent down, eyes begging for him to understand.

"Spencer-"

"I never asked for this! You think I wanted to be kidnapped by Tobias? You think I wanted to be hit?" His eyes started to get bright with tears as he recalled the awful night he and JJ split apart.

Morgan shut the door. He felt like it was about to get louder in here.

"I never wanted any of this god no, I told him no please I don't want it you think he listened Morgan?" He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing down his throat, he felt like he would choke on it even though he knew that was scientifically impossible.

Tears went down his face as he crumpled onto the floor, the facade he had carefully constructed was breaking right before his eyes which made sense, it was built of lies and needles.

Morgan got closer as Reid's hands started attacking his hair, pulling and yanking, trying to give him some control over the situation.

There were muffled whispers outside, he knew he didn't have much time to pull himself together before he got kicked out of the BAU.

"I can't, I can't, I can't," Reid's skull collided with the cold bathroom walls, he needed more dilaudid.

His pupils were blown wide as he reached for his messenger bag, desperate yet shameful.

It took Derek a second to realize what his intent was but when he did, he grabbed Reid and pulled him close to his chest, blocking him from opening his bag.

"Morgan, let go!" He struggled and squirmed in his arms, heartbeat going a mile a minute and hatred in his eyes.

There was a knock on the door.

"Reid are you in there? Gideon wants to give out the profile."

It was Hotch.

Reid didn't seem to hear, his only focus was on the clear liquid in his satchel.

"GIVE IT TO ME! I NEED IT I NEED IT STOP stop stop... I'm so tired," he was bawling his eyes at this point, horrified and broken.

He slicked his hair back and punched Morgan in the face.

Derek, not expecting it, let go and grabbed his nose, gaping.

"I'm in here Hotch!"

Reid had taken his moment of weakness to ruffle in his bag and had opened the bottle with the skilled hands of an addict, before Morgan had turned his head.

The door creaked open and Hotch walked in, wishing he could walk out of what was some sort of single intervention. He did not expect to see his youngest agent break down. At least not today.

"NO! No I- I hate you," Reid's red rimmed eyes looked in despair at the bottle of dilaudid that Morgan had knocked out of his trembling hands.

"How could you..." he wailed as Hotch got a hold of himself and pulled Spencer away from his drug of choice.

"Reid, you need help, okay? We can help you, pretty boy." Morgan tried to reason and remind himself that the kid didn't mean what he said. Don't take it personally.

"I was in control." Reid knew he was lying to himself but he didn't know what else to do.

At this point, the other agents heard the commotion and had gathered at the door, but one menacing glare from Hotch had all of them scramming except for Emily, JJ, and Gideon.

"Spencer, you know that's not true." Hotch had spoken up, his heart aching with guilt over ignoring the issue. He and Gideon knew something was wrong. Was keeping his job at the BAU more important than Reid's declining mental health?

Prentiss had stood there, her eyes echoing back to what Hotch had said. One of my agents has a serious drug addiction. She thought it could be Reid but she wished she was wrong.

One of them gave him a water bottle, which he discovered was JJ, then left the bathroom.

Probably to get me fired, he thought bitterly.

"You're not getting fired, kid." That was Gideon. He was kneeling next to him, a sad smile gracing his face.

He said that out loud. Another side effect of drugs it seemed.

A phone rang suddenly, and with a sigh, Spencer realized it was his. He handed it over to Morgan as he put it on speaker.

"Hey, baby boy. Heard things have been kind of hard."

Garcia. Her voice was disguised well but you could hear the sadness through the device. That was not surprising, she had eyes everywhere and word probably spread like fire that an agent with an IQ of 180 was having a nervous breakdown in the staff bathroom.

"Hi," he managed to choke out.

"Well, since I'm so wonderful, I am letting you know that you are one of the strongest people I know. I am researching treatment options for you right now but I'll let the others talk to you a bit. Oh and if Morgan's there tell him to open up the online dictionary, and look under model. My face should be there. Princess, out!"

For the first time in what felt like hours, Reid's mouth twitched in a small smile.

He looked around. Was he still high? Maybe. Overwhelmed with panic? Definitely. Struggling a whole lot with an addiction that got out of hand? You bet. But when he looked around, he didn't see hatred in his coworkers-no, family's eyes. He saw love, and care.

Most importantly, in the mirror, he saw hope. Maybe that was the new drug he would be trying.

He had a long way to go, and maybe he would have to take a break from the BAU, but something told him he wouldn't be getting a break from his family.