Reality Check

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"What did you do?!"

At lightning speed, she was by my side, opening the gown up to see the cut, blood staining my skin because the moist fabric had stuck to it. For the first time, I got to see it myself as I saw it was pretty much right above my pubic hair and approximately four and a half inches wide. My skin stapled together on one end and a few staples, loose with a small hole on the other.

"Ugh, Elliot... Can't you stay put for five minutes? There's always something with you."

She was clearly annoyed with me while Darlene snickered, thinking no one had noticed. Quickly, she got to work as Stacy had already prepared a stitching kit on a side table, this time sewing the skin shut rather than using staples.

I could feel my body, quaking as I internalized all of my frustrations and sorrow, tormented by the people around me's anger, while slow and silent tears filled my eyes to the brink. I hadn't said a word and I couldn't, my throat tightened up as guilt seeped in with everyone's displeasure of my actions. Layla was quiet, focused and Darlene looked after Alex who was slowly coming around.

"Are you going to say anything or cat got your tongue."

She was addressing me but she didn't even spare me a glance, finishing up the last of the stitches. Once she was done, she did take a look at me, and I had to look pretty bad as her expression softened, now instead of anger, there was pity in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten mad at you."

I sniffled as a single stray tear, rolled down my cheek.

"Talk to me, Elliot, I'm here now, I'll tell you all you want to know."

I blinked rapidly as more tears got caught on my lashes, she must really feel bad for me, you could feel it, you could feel she was being honest.

"What's in the IV?" I sniffled trying to calm myself down.

"It's morphine, otherwise you'd be crawling up the walls right now."

Fuck! Why morphine?

"Take it out, I don't want it."

"It has to be there or you'd be in too much pain."

"Well, then give me something else! I don't care if it's not as strong, I don't want the morphine..."

The room went quiet.

"...Aside from the slip up a few months ago, I haven't had morphine in three years, I don't want it, not even intravenously, I don't want it tempting me."
I looked away at the floor in shame. Without any further questions, Layla walked over to a cabinet on the wall and took out a different IV. She walked up to the bed and swapped it out with the one in my arm.

"Alright, what else?"

"I want to see them."

"Ah, so that's what this whole hullabaloo was about - okay, Elliot, one thing first - You just had major surgery and your body didn't have time to completely reset yet, you'll be able to walk on your own in a couple of hours, right now, you can only move in that wheelchair. The twins are in the NICU on a different floor, you can go see them, but you stay in that wheelchair, or you can go there in 3 hours with someone holding you up."

She gave me a questioning look as if there even was a choice.

"I want to see them now."

As gingerly as possible, I moved to the wheelchair and we headed towards the NICU. Alex sitting on my legs, getting a free ride, which he liked very much. We went up the next floor and I was pushed along the hallway as we passed giant windowpanes, with babies in incubators behind them. Just after the fourth windowpane, we turned into a room where there were only six babies. Layla pushed me in between two incubators and stepped aside.