random oneshots

bOok rEpoRt

"HARK! THOU MUST RISETH NOW!" were the words that unpleasantly woke me up from my afternoon nap.  Honestly, couldn't that dumb arrow learn to be just a little bit quieter?  "Okay, okay, I'm- where on Earth is Meg?".  It has been about a week since we had arrived at Camp Jupiter and I was just dying to get back to Camp Halfblood, the summer camp for Greek demigods, the children of the Greek gods who currently reside in Manhattan, New York.  "THOU MUST SEARCH INSIDE FOR THE ANSWERS YOU REQUIRE!", "So you don't know then, o wise arrow?"  I got no response.  The Arrow of Dodona had appeared to have gone silent.  Typical arrow, so inconsiderate.
Just then, Meg walked in happily singing Christmas music, which was a bit weird, even for Meg.  "What did you do this time, Meg?", I asked.  Meg shrugged her shoulders in response as only Meg could.  Outside I saw a white metallic blur run by. "Meg?" I say, a little more insistent this time, "What did you do!?" She shrugged again, but this time she can't keep back the mischievous glint in her eye and the small smirk on her face.  There's a loud knock at the door and without waiting for response, Lavinia Asimov, daughter of Terpischore, bounds in.  "Are you ready to go yet slowpokes?", she asks. 
"Slowpokes?  Who are you calling a slowpoke, I've been up since seven in the morning prepping the battle unicorns for travel!  If anyone's slow it's this grandpa over here! Honestly, what Olympian god turned mortal takes a nap at three in the afternoon?", says my tiny master.  "Well, in my defense, I deserve plenty of time to wallow in self-pity!  Look at me! I used to be Apollo! Zeus kicked me off Olympus for totally unfair reasons that I don't even know, I crash-landed in a dumpster in New York as an awkward flabby teenager with acne named Lester Papadopolous, I was claimed by a twelve year old child of Demeter and must obey her commands until Zeus has had his fun and considers me worthy of Olympus once more, and, to top it all off, I'm still healing from that whole zombie disease thing.  But you know, at least you guys put up with me! So, what were you saying about those battle unicorns, Meg?" "Meh." she replies.  "Okay then.", I say after a long pause.  "Who's ready to go ride our battle unicorns into the sunset?" If only it could be that easy.
Meg, Lavinia, and I make our way towards the unicorns, and mount them.  Well, Meg mounted hers while I made many sad attempts to mount mine.  Hey, don't blame me! Unicorn armor is very slippery.  Eventually, I mounted my unicorn, Sprinkles, I think his name was, and Meg and I said our goodbyes to Lavinia and the rest of the camp.  We embarked on our journey to Camp Halfblood on Long Island Sound, New York on Sprinkles and Cupcake, the battle unicorns.
Everything was completely normal for the first couple hours or so. It was very quiet.  Too quiet.  Soon,though, I got my wake up call.  Did you know that the Nemean lion now resides in California?  Yeah, me either. 
Meg and I were just riding along, minding our own business, then out of the quiet clop of hooves I heard a low gravelly growl.  Meg and I slid off Sprinkles the battle unicorn prepared to fight the lion, Meg with her imperial gold scimitars, and I with my bow and arrows.  We were ready just in the knick of time, because right then, the lion pounced, mouth open wide, but not facing the right way so I could get a direct hit.  "So, what's the plan?" Meg asks.  "What do you mean?" I reply.  Meg rolls her eyes at me.  Even in battle, she can be  a real pain.  "I mean, what is this thing and how do we take it down, Apollo?".  "This is the Nemean lion, it was last defeated a few years back by Percy Jackson, originally by Hercules which, funny story"-" Okay, enough with the backstory, how do we defeat this lion guy?"  "Oh, right , sorry." I fire an arrow at the lion in vain while Meg slashes the air and makes random plants spring up around the lion to distract it.  "Its fur will deflect anything thrown against it, so no swords." "Aww!" Meg says, "But I wanted to use them!".  "Meg, can I please explain the plan to you?" "Okay, fine."  "The only way we can get rid of this lion and get to Camp is by firing a direct shot into its mouth, so you find some of those magic seeds you have and use your Demeter powers to entangle the lion while I shoot arrows."  It wasn't much of a plan, there was not a very high success rate, but we had to try. 
All of a sudden huge green stalks shoot up out of the ground, and wrap themselves around our lion friend.  The lion roars in outrage.  Perfect.  Quickly, I pull back on my bowstring and fire.  The monster roars defiantly one last time before crumbling to dust.  In the lion's place is a robe, glinting gold in the sun.  Our spoil of war.  Meg scoops it up and puts it on as we remount our horses and continue towards New York. 
After that, the next day was pretty slow as far as monster attacks.  We did run into a few gorgons in Utah, (Those unicorns traveled pretty fast.) but we didn't let that slow us down!  Before we knew it, we were travelling through Illinois with very few monster attacks still. Strange. It had been about three days now and normally, monsters would be going crazy trying to sniff out their next demigod meal. Nevertheless, we were making excellent time and were almost there; just a couple more days.  Ha!  I actually believed that for a minute there.  All I can say is that I don't know what's coming, but I know it won't be good.
Guess what? I was right. within the next couple hours, Meg and I were faced with one of the most gruesome creatures yet; my stepmother, the queen of the gods herself, Hera.  Once more, Meg and I were minding our own business, riding Sprinkles and Cupcake toward Camp Halfblood, when the road we were traveling on through Pennsylvania flooded with  blinding light.
When my vision cleared, I saw Hera standing in front of me. " Oh, good, you're awake, and alive." That Hera, always so thoughtful.  " Why must you torture I mean honor me with your presence, Hera?" " I will pretend that I didn't hear that comment you made for your sake, Apollo. I am here to tell you why Zeus banished you from Olympus.  Unless you can guess, perhaps." she said.  "I think it's perfectly clear. Zeus thinks that I messed up at some point during the titan war and that I won't amount to anything on Olympus unless I change my ways." "Oh, Lester, sweetheart, Zeus doesn't think you messed up.  He knows!  Well, I really must be getting back home, look at the time! Goodbye, stepson! See you soon! I sincerely hope that you make it.".  "What!?", I respond in my mind.  Make it? Make what?
" Apollo? Apollo? Wake up, we're here!" says Meg McCaffery. " Here? Where's here?" "Camp Halfblood, Apollo. We made it. Well, technically after you passed out in Pennsylvania, I carried you here with a little help from Thalia and the hunters of Artemis, but we still made it! says my friend.  I am in the infirmary at the big house when my old immortal friend, Chiron trots in. " Apollo, good!  You're back, and just in time!  the camp is in desperate need of your help.