Behind The Scenes

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'But there was no time to think about that.'

Varun was so close to my face, I could feel his eyes burning holes into my forehead. He had a death grip on my wrists so that I couldn't move. Even if he didn't hold me I wouldn't have moved. I want to know the reason behind his rash behavior.

This Varun is not my Varun. My Varun wouldn't even dream about hurting a girl, let alone me. Something has taken over him. I don't know what , but I know it's related to the question I just asked. I shouldn't have done this. I am a psychology major for fuck's sake. I should have chosen a better time to ask such a sensitive question like this.

I stared directly into his eyes pleadingly, trying to understand his situation.

"Varun?" I whispered softly to him. In hopes of getting him back.

"Shut up." He whispered, in an eerie tone. He looked like he didn't have a soul. It looked like he turned off his humanity.

I was taken aback, I had chills all over my body. What the hell is wrong with him. Not wasting a single second, I spoke again.

"Varun listen to m-"

"I said Shut up!" He roared in an inhumane way. Tightening his grip on my wrists, he spoke.

"It seems like, you didn't learn from your mistake yesterday. Is it funny to you? Is it funny for you to point out people's weaknesses!" He roared once again. The tears were there but they never fell once. It's like even his tears knew, they can never come out. They were forever caged, no matter what the situation might be.

"I didn't cry, yesterday. I would never cry. Do you understand me? I am not made for that. Tears make you weak. Tears break you down. They show your competitors, how vulnerable you can be. I showed them once, I still regret that day. Nobody knows except for me. But I'll never open up. Stop trying to act like you care. Because you don't! You never did. You weren't there for me." He said, his voice was hoarse, like he was really trying to stop himself. What is he talking about though? When was I not there? I have been with him since childhood, except for the 6 years we stayed apart, when we were in academy.

"I needed you Shraddha! I fucking needed you! Where were you then? That's right you were busy with your life and you have the full right to be. But then why come in now, asking me questions that don't concern you." He screamed with a deep voice. His hands left my wrists and were now caging me.

I was astounded to hear this. I have never in my life heard this before. He never said anything to me. This is the first time, I am hearing him complain. That too about something that I have no idea of. Whatever he is saying, breaks my heart. To find out that you weren't there for your best friends in the days they needed you the most. The whole idea of it hurts like shit.

"Varun at least tell me what you are talking about? I don't understand. What time are you talking about, I was with you the whole time." I whispered softly. Pleading him to share just a little piece of his heart with me. "I thought this hard exterior of; 'I cannot cry because emotions are for the weak', was only grasped from David uncle." I asked in confusion. That's what this was all supposed to be about wasn't it? David uncle brought him up in a strict environment, wasn't that supposed to be the reason for his emotionless behavior?

"Don't you think if dad had actually gone to that extent of trying to make sure I had a hard exterior. He would have first tried to use that on himself and if he did do that, don't you think he would have been as much of a cold-hearted jerk as I am?" He asked in a vicious way. This clicked something in my brain. He is right. Now that I look back at it, even though David uncle made it clear in the very early years of his life, that he had a 'no tears' formula, he wasn't as rigid about it, as Varun was.