Risqué. [H.S.]

chapter 1

I had no idea what I was getting into. I was so young, naive, how was I suppose to know?

It's been years. It's been years and it's still the last thought on my mind before I fall asleep. It still wakes me up at night with fear, with terror. "Do you miss it?" "Did you kill him?" others are brave enough to ask.

It haunts me. It haunts me everyday.

The thrill and excitement that pulsed through my body at the time, the terrifying times it was, the court trial, I'm not sure what haunts me more. Am I a bad person for almost missing those times?

I was lucky. Infinitely lucky. I still am. All of the luck that was suppose to be dispersed throughout my life, it was all used up during those times. What could've been a life in prison, is now a life with two beautiful children, a wonderful husband, and a terrifying secret.

- - -

"I'm headed with Julie to the bar, I'll be back at some point."

"Alright, be careful, Poppy. Have fun."

I head out the door and confirm that the car in front on my house is actually the one I ordered. I feel this anxiety run up inside me, as it always does when I go out. Not for any particular reason, I'm more excited than anything, but I guess it comes natural at this point.

As I ride through town, I realized that through this entire month off from school, this is the first time that I've gone out - and probably only time. It's not that I don't go out, it's just that well. . I haven't gone out. That's my excuse.

I've always been a homebody, not hanging out with many people, but still enjoying the company of others. I have enough good people in my life that I've never taken the opportunity to branch out, even in college, though that probably wouldn't be a bad idea.

We pull up to the bar, I pay the driver some cash and my thank you's and head inside. Oh gosh, what if I can't find Julie and I look like a fool being here all by myself?

Thankfully, after a quick look around, I see my best friend up at the bar with a drink in her hand as her jacket sits on the seat beside her, presumably saving a seat for me. I see her leaning her arm on the chair to hold herself up.

"Julie," I say, tapping her shoulder. "it's been forever!"

"Poppy! How are you doing?" she asks, engulfing me in a hug. I take the seat next to her and I catch a heavy whiff of vanilla, presumably from the incenses her mom burns in her home all day.

"I'm great, just glad to be home. I've never been here, new bar?"

"Yeah! Pretty cool, huh? It gives off a really good vibe, I like it here a lot. I'm so glad that you're back in town, we have so much to catch up on."

"Something to drink?" The bartender asks me. I can't help but notice how beautiful she is. While sometimes other women intimidate me, I always know when to admire another women's beauty. And she is beautiful.

"Hmm, I'll have a cranberry and vodka please."

"Haven't heard you order that before, I thought your drink was a mojito?" Julie questions.

"It was, until I got sick off of them one night. Haven't been able to stomach them since." I laugh and Julie joins in. I can't even think about one of those drinks without feeling nauseated. "But tell me what's been going on with you. Anything new?"

A small smiles tugs at Julie's lips as she takes a sip of her drink. "Well, life has been pretty boring lately, up until recently. You wanna hear something crazy? I wanted to tell you sooner but I wanted to wait until I saw you in person." Julie grabs my forearms and looks at me joyfully. My mind wonders at the endless possibilities of what she's about to tell me.