Mindful Beauty

27) His Past

"I just want to know." Oliver grumbled, looking away only to catch sight of Ella walking downstairs already dressed in some black leggings with an oversized, light pink, and fluffy hoodie. "Ella!" Oliver waved her over quickly, grabbing her hand and yanking her closer. "What do you see in Mr. Pet-"

"Jeez, these magazines are out of control these days." Kim had thrown one that had been lying around straight at Oliver. While Kim had nothing against Oliver, neither did he mind Oliver asking these questions, he could tell that Damien wasn't really in the mood to continue to talk to Oliver. "Come on, let's play now!" Kim pulled out a board game while Barnes served Ella a warm plate of food, placing it right beside Damien so that the two could sit together while the rest of the table played.

A couple of beers, hours, and games later, the whole table was groaning about how good their boss was at playing the game. They had continuously whined and complained until Kim finally decided to stop that game and play another one.

Ella, who was still tired, decided to opt out of that round and go outside for some fresh air. Damien had stepped away earlier to answer a couple of persisting phone calls, so no one would really notice once they were caught up in another childish game, especially when most of them were tipsy.

Shutting the front door behind her, Ella leaned on the porch railing, breathing in the cold, pine-scented air in the winter. She hadn't gotten a thick jacket or blanket to cover herself, but she also didn't mind feeling refreshed in comparison to the heat that had accumulated inside the dining room where the rest of the group was.

Standing out there for a few minutes, Ella could begin to feel her fingers slowly freeze when she felt familiar and thick arms wrap around her shoulders, a warm and firm chest pressing against her back.

"You shouldn't have come out without any protection against the cold." Damien murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I called out to you, but you weren't answering. I hope I didn't startle you."

Ella smiled, lifting her hands to hold onto his forearms as she leaned back. "No. Your cologne is stronger out here, so I could identify you." Knowing that that cologne belonged to Damien made the scent that much more comforting and enticing. Damien only smiled in response, rubbing his larger hands up and down hers arms.

"Your dad told me that they were thinking about going back to Spain." Damien mentioned, remembering the conversation that he had had with Timotheo. The older man had emphasized how much he wanted Ella to be looked after and taken care of which only made Damien laugh, but he had no other intentions anyway.

"Yeah," Ella sighed, already missing them. They hadn't left yet; their tickets were booked for next week, but it still made Ella feel bittersweet now that they officially had a date for leaving. She was going to miss them terribly, after all they had done for her, made her feel safe and secure, she wanted to take care of them too.

"I'll never fill their spot, but I can promise to always be there when you need me." Damien noticed Ella's glossy eyes as she looked at the beautiful snow that had begun to fall like little diamonds shining in the moonlight.

"You already do so much for me." Ella chuckled, reaching to wipe a tear from her cheek as she sniffed.

"I want to, Ella." Damien truly would do more, anything really, just for her. He didn't say that though, not wanting to overwhelm her.

"I know you do." Ella smiled softly. "Let's talk about something else. I..." Ella paused, preferring to not say anything instead.

"You what?" Damien nudged her gently in his hold, encouraging her to continue.

"You mentioned that there were three of you back then. I know it was you, Selena, but I don't know who the third one is..." Ella explained, twisting in his arms to look at his face properly while she spoke. Only then would be able to read him better and understand how he was feeling. She had learned, throughout their dating process, that even though he was much more comfortable around her and had openly displayed gestures of affection, he still didn't feel all too comfortable sharing his burdens with her. "I know that sharing something with someone not being ready only makes things harder, so I don't want you to force yourself into that. I just want you to know that I'm also here for you. I probably can't fix the problem or make you forget about it, but I can lend an ear or offer you comfort, Damien."

Damien smiled tightly, sighing as he took Ella's hands, bringing her forward to sit on the swing bench that was situated beside the front door and against the wall. If he was going to explain his story to her, a story he hadn't verbally addressed for over a decade, he knew it might take a while.

"Vincent was his name. He was like a brother to me. We basically all grew up together, but you could tell that he stood out from the group. He was different, bright, happy. I get told that I used to be like that, too, but it was mostly because of them." Damien felt Ella's hand find his, wrapping it in between both of hers. He was grateful; he felt like he needed the support to continue. "I guess you could say that he showed me that life was fun and whatnot. Since his parents had grown up here, he understood English very well while I learned it, so he helped me on that too. After a while, we just became close like brothers, and our families eventually became friends too." Damien felt his chest constrict. It had been a while since he had gone to go see Vincent's family, but he felt it much too painful. Entering that place, hoping Vincent would come out, all smiles and laughs. It was too much.

Ella let him continue, though. For the longest time, she knew that Damien was holding back on her and that he had something that was troubling him. She would be an incompetent psychologist if she didn't know, but she had always kept it to herself, hoping that Damien would mention it himself. Only now, when he reminded her of how he would always be there for her was she reminded that she also wanted him to know that she would do the same for him.

"Once our families began hanging out, we were inseparable. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together, we even began college together. He... he got diagnosed with severe depression during high school, too. It didn't matter that he had a loving family or that his friends were always there for him. I mean, you know how it is with mental illnesses." He looked at Ella to give her a rueful smile. "Then, he had found a girl. He always dreamed of one day being able to live life normally. He wanted to graduate, get a house, get married, have a family. That girl though, she didn't. I guess that egged his depression and..." Damien still couldn't say it. He thought he could, but he couldn't. "I always thought that if I had hung out with him more, if I had been more aware of his situation-"

"Don't think that." Ella firmly interrupted, moving to kneel by him so that Damien could see her clearly. "That illness is a sick, deteriorating disease that some people can't really help. Thinking that you, an outsider, could help, is very thoughtful, but I promise you, that unless you're in their head, you can't really prevent them from those things." Ella also wished for her to be able to help with their needs, but it's hard when you understand that unless they want to be helped, there really is nothing you can do for them but just let them know you're there.

"I know that now, but it's just... I wish I would've done more things with him. I wish he would've given us a chance to say goodbye." Damien didn't know he was crying, but Ella kept wiping tears away as she nodded, such a strong emotion in those beautiful eyes that he knew he couldn't have trusted anyone else with this. Ella was Ella, and only she could offer him the comfort he really needed.

After both of them had calmed and the cold had become unbearable, they decided to return inside. There, they noticing that they had spent much more time outside than they had intended to since everyone had gone off to bed.

"Will you be okay sleeping with Ms. Ines?" Damien whispered once they stopped at Ella's bedroom door. He tucked a loose and soft strand of hair that slipped from behind her ear.

"I feel like I should be the one asking you that about Oliver." Ella chuckled, watching as Damien smiled, shrugging.

"He's much more tolerable asleep than awake." He promised, leaning forward to kiss Ella goodnight. She had been irresistible in that oversized hoodie that, for some reason, made Damien want to just cuddle her up and never let her go.

"Damien," Ella paused, looking down as she spoke, barely a whisper that touched his own lips. "I love you." She murmured quietly before unsticking herself from him and entering her bedroom quietly yet quickly, not even giving Damien a second to respond.

Damien, like a fool, stood outside for another five to ten minutes, smiling foolishly and dazed.

She didn't give him a chance but had she stayed for even a second more, he would have repeated those exact words.