Return of the Spambook

woo

i asked my cousin if i should go see a therapist to find out if there's anything wrong with me (i feel very emotionally numb and i think i might have social anxiety but i can't know for sure if i have it) and she said yes
and my mom isn't against it either, i asked her a while ago and i think she said something like "yeah we could find out" or something like that (she also asked me once if it's possible that i have social anxiety or sociophobia when she found out about these things)
but the problem is that i don't wanna talk to some stranger about my feelings and stuff, it's just hard to trust random people for some reason. like i know im supposed to talk to the therapist but it's also really hard to force myself to trust them. and just thinking about talking to someone (doesn't matter if i know them or not) about my feelings makes me feel so anxious. which is why i sometimes rant on here, because then it's not face to face
and if it turns out that i do have social anxiety the therapist is probably gonna give me some medicine and i don't want to take any medicine idk i wanna stay how i am. i just don't like talking to people, you know? i mean yea sometimes im scared of talking to them but i also just don't like doing it, i like being left alone, even if it makes me feel very lonely sometimes but idk that's just what im used to