Secrets

Chapter 18

I toss and turn, as the dreams continue to get worse with every passing night. Even though I no longer live with Robert and the adoption is pretty much sealed, I still can't help the thoughts that creep in. I can't help but think that what he said was true and that I'm only just a burden on other people. I mean, Alex wouldn't have to worry about an adoption right now if it wasn't for me. I can also feel the worry from all my other teammates about the scars and what else I possibly haven't told them, as they should all only be focused on the World Cup. Sometimes I feel like it would be better for everyone if I just disappeared.

Like every night, that is the thought I end on before I drift off to sleep and the dreams start. It's just like the one I got in January, I'm in the main hallway of his house, and he's standing at the end of it. Almost immediately he's in front of me and the beating starts and I quickly feel like I can't take anymore, that's when I jolt awake in a pool of sweat.

The only time it wasn't like this, was when I fell asleep next to Alex. I know the dreams are getting worse because of the stress with the World Cup. I also know I should tell someone so they can help, but the words just can't seem to leave my mouth not wanting to be an even bigger burden on others.

Instead of trying to fall back asleep, I get up seeing the clock already reads 6:15. As I make my way down to the meal room, I see Becky also leaving her room. "You look like hell," she says chuckling, obviously referencing my terrible under eye bags from barely sleeping.

"You don't look too hot yourself," I reply with the same dull morning sarcasm.

"I think, right now, coffee is a good idea," Becky laughs, as we enter the meal room.

"Coffee is always a good idea," I say with a smile.

"I can second that," Carli says from behind me, making me practically jump out of my skin.

Becky starts laughing at me, as I hold my chest, "What is with you and scaring me in the meal room?!"

Carli just shrugs chuckling, "It's entertaining."

I roll my eyes playfully as I pour a cup of coffee for myself and the two other veterans. Once we sit down at our table, Carli asks, "Aren't you and Alex suppose to be leaving for Seattle soon?"

"Yeah, in a couple of hours," I replied nodding my head. Both Alex and I have to go back up to Seattle to sign the last papers and pack up my room before making the drive in my truck with all my stuff from Seattle to Alex's house in LA. The team still doesn't know, but once we get back we're announcing the adoption. They all just think I want to grab stuff from home before leaving for New York to do World Cup media. "I think Kelley and a couple of others are deciding to join us, or something," I reply, remembering for some reason Kelley, Christen, and Tobin wanted to tag along and see where I grew up.

Carli lets out a laugh, "Ha! Kelley waking up at 8, that's funny."

"Well, actually they're all supposed to be up in the next hour, our flight boards at 8."

"That's even less likely," Becky says, before taking a sip of her coffee.

Just as the words come out of her mouth three zombies and a very awake looking Christen come walking through the door. "Holy shit, they woke up," I say, actual shock fueling my voice.

"Haha," Kelley deadpans rolling her eyes, "Very funny." She's practically dragging herself over to the coffee maker, as she says, "I'm already regretting this."

"You know you don't have to come, remember?" I say with a smile.

"And waste an opportunity to annoy you, never," Kelley says with a smirk before drinking her coffee.