The Summer The Price Was Right

Hyde-First Date

August 15, 1978

I've been looking forward to my day off all week, but so far it hasn't delivered. Should've known, with a boss like Leo. All I've done today is watch Fez move his french fries around in ketchup at the Hub for hours. Man do I wish I was frenching Jackie right now. Her mom miraculously came home early last night, and she's probably in the mood to celebrate. I just can't believe her parents are almost as shitty as mine. Maybe in some twisted way we have more in common than I thought. 

Fez groans. "How come none of us are getting any action" he laments, giving me and Forman sad looks. I fight back a snicker at how wrong he is, at least in my case. Forman nods sadly. "Don't remind me of how little spicy redhead I'm getting. Even Hyde hasn't had the same one night stand game! What's the deal, man?". One night stands just haven't had the same rush since I started fooling around with Jackie, and I'd largely stopped. Of course they'd noticed, my wimpy friends with nothing better to do than stick their noses into other people's business. At least Forman seemed to have forgotten our little chat about Jackie at the beach between all his crying and moaning about Donna.
"Been picking up extra shifts at the Foto Hut" I reply. "Maybe if I were a good son I'd realize Mrs. Forman and Red could use some help".

"Oh, aren't you noble, Orphan Boy".

Fez looks at us disapprovingly. "Let us stop all the fighting and focus on what's important! Fez has a lady love!"

"Who, Fez" I ask.

"Linda-that beautiful girl over there!" he says, gesturing at a chick with short blond hair and a tight sweater that showed off her rack but looked pretty strange given the hot weather. Not bad. "We have both been at the pool and our paths crossed many times. I exchanged many romantic looks with her, but aiii I can't talk to her-"

"Come on, man. What are you waiting for?" I ask, gesturing at Linda.

"Hyde, I don't know-"

"You just gotta go for it" I tell him, but before he can go over to her she gets up and walks out the door. Figures.

"I'm never gonna do it" Fez says, dejected.

"Oh, Fez you will" says Forman. "You have to be suave like I was with Donna", he adds, putting uncomfortable emphasis on the word suave.

I roll my eyes, laughing. "Sure. And I never caught you checking out your mom's Cosmo magazine for advice".

The old Forman would have burned me back, but he just stares into the distance, looking like he's about to start crying like a girl over Donna. He doesn't have to act like this, but running away like she did was pretty shitty. This is why relationships are such a scam. I'd rather die than have Jackie get me like this. Not that anyone could get me to cry, but I swear that chick has some kind of freaky power over me. Wouldn't put it past her, honestly.

"Look, Forman, would you quit acting like such a big baby? You've just been lying in bed with your GI Joes all summer. You know that's not gonna make her come back. C'mon, let's go to the movies or something".

Fez's face lights up. "I know! Let's see Piranha!"

"What's that?" I ask.

"It's supposed to be like Jaws but better. It takes place on the beach. Which means-boobies!"

I roll my eyes. "All right. But you're paying for snacks, man".

Eric nods sadly. "Nothing else to see. Man, I wish they'd make a new Star Wars already".

At that second, Jackie bursts in, all strappy sandals and skimpy top boobage. I tell ya, chicks' barely there outfits are one of the reasons summer is great.