𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 ☾︎ soonhoon

C H P - 17

Soonyoung figured that wasn't... too much of a request. He may have been sad and miserable, but that didn't mean he wouldn't do whatever it took to make sure that the man he loved was happy. He would do anything for him, and no matter how many years passed, that would never change. "Yeah, I guess so," he whispered, shivering. A slight breeze had brushed up against him, reminding him of the coldness that had been building up inside.

"Let's go, then." He tried to force a small smile as he took a step in the direction of his front door. However, the step was nothing more than useless as his legs soon gave out on him. He crumpled to the ground with a quiet groan; and despite the impending pain, he immediately reached out to protect not himself, but the flowers clasped to his chest. His side slammed against the pavement, and he was lucky it wasn't his head, instead.

"Oh my--are you okay?!" Jihoon scrambled down beside him as his saddened eyes turned frantic. His body rushed into action, obeying his very first instinct: to force the male into a tight hug and keep all of his pieces intact. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly, sitting down on the ground to make Soonyoung's position more comfortable for him. "What happened?"

"I'm fine," the blonde mumbled, his eyes screwed shut with pain. What kind of luck was this? Hurting internally and now externally, too? He was sure that whatever god was out there was mad at him for something. "I forgot, uhm... If you lock your knees for a long period of time, then... well..." Even though it was aching, his body still wanted to react to the heat of the other male, to the sound of his beating heart, but he forced his limbs to remain in place: glued to his own body. If he moved forward, he wouldn't be able to let go, and he could not have that. "Sorry, I need to get up."

Jihoon locked his limbs even more securely than before. "No, don't get up yet. Just stay for a second."

"I shouldn'--"

"Please."

"I can't."

"Just listen to me," Jihoon urged, and the other had no choice but to remain silent. Nothing was said between the two; the only sounds made were from their breath and their hearts--pounding in sync. Their minds were racing with thoughts and possibilities, but only one of them was hopeful. The other wouldn't allow himself to be. 

Only after he was sure he could contain himself no longer, Jihoon gently gripped the other's shoulders and urged him away. 

"I need you to look at me, okay?"

Soonyoung swallowed thickly as the urge to cry grew even stronger. He almost wanted to scream. Why all this build up? Why couldn't Jihoon make their last moment as quick and painless as it could be? Why was he forcing this to last when he knew that Soonyoung was so in love with him that it hurt? Why? Just why? What was so great about making it hurt?

"Okay."

Soonyoung set his palm flat on the pavement, using that as his stabilizer as he settled himself. Though it sent his body burning, he did as the love of his life had asked him to and connected their gazes. Jihoon's eyes were dark yet as magnificent as ever. Some odd emotion was swimming beneath the surface of his irises, but Soonyoung couldn't tell which. His sight was too fuzzy with tears to make out anything clearly. "What is it?" he asked in nothing more than a whisper, ignoring the lump in his throat.

Jihoon wordlessly brought his hand up to cup the blonde's cheek. "I think..." He pursed his pink lips, looking absolutely conflicted about something--perhaps the way to say it? His chest rose with a long, heavy breath before he once again spoke. "Soonyoung, if you leaving me behind when I was young wasn't a mistake, then why were we brought together again?" His thumb swiped softly against his skin, in an effort to sooth the male's thoughts. If he didn't do so, he had a feeling that he wouldn't be able to finish without the other interrupting. "I mean, think about it? What is the probability of that happening?"

Soonyoung didn't move, didn't say anything; he was too stunned to do so. Once more, he was left frozen and burning all at once. His insides were frosting over with the impending loneliness and abandonment, yet his entire being was burning in hellfire. This was what yearning was to him: it was hell, and when Jihoon left him behind, it would only become worse.

It didn't matter what the probability of them meeting again was if it meant that, in the end, they weren't going to end up together.

"What is the chance of us meeting? And you said we were together, didn't you? That we loved each other?" Jihoon was searching now, searching for any kind of sign that the blonde was truly comprehending his words. "I've had these few weeks to think, Soonyoung, and what is the probability of me falling in love with you again?"

Wait...

What?

"W-what do you mean?" Soonyoung stuttered breathlessly. "That's not poss... No. No, that... Really?"

The shorter male smiled warmly. Now he was understanding? That was all it took? "I'm sorry I can't remember what we had together. I'm really sorry... but I want to start again, so just give me a chance, okay? I can... I can make you happy like I used to. Can we--"

He didn't have a chance to finish before Soonyoung broke down into sobs. The blonde just couldn't keep the tears in anymore. He yanked Jihoon's arm past his head and enveloped the male as he fell into his chest. To hide just how ugly his cries were, he dug his face into the hilt of the the other's shoulder, where he should, hopefully, be able to stay. He squeezed and squeezed and squeezed... His snot dripped down onto the soft fabric of the other's coat--he would have to apologize for that later--and his tears wet his entire shoulder.

This wasn't possible.

It wasn't.

"I won't leave you," he sniffled.

No.

No, no, no.

It was possible.

Very possible...

Jihoon soothingly ran his fingers through the other's fluffy blonde hair, then pressed his cheek to the locks. "I won't leave you, either," he assured, and that was a promise.

They would start from here.

----

I'm gonna try and get the last few chapters out here in the next few days :)

-Author  🖤