Big Ounce Gets Stuck In The Play Place

Chapter 1: The Loin, The Lard, The Legend

It was a morning like any other one... The mailman was fisting peoples' mailboxes with newspaper, the birds were screeching their lungs out, the rat lord was writing her fan fiction about god and a friend of hers, the Bubblegum Fairy was bouncing building to building, the employees of Hampton's Deli Slicing Emporium we're beating each other's cakes with spatulas relentlessly. It was not a normal day, but to Bigus Ouncelini, it was as ordinary as his simple bitch hoe that he named joe, not of the mama clan.
When Bigus awakened from his 12 hour slumber in which he dreamed about how many Big Macs he could consume, he began his morning ritual by waddling to his window to say good morning to his neighborhood in the grand capital of Stanica.

"GOOD MORNING STANICA!" Bigus yelled in his booming voice after opening the window.

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH YOU FUCKING CUNT IM TRYING TO SLAP MY FUCKING BITCH HOE!" A local pimp angrily replied accompanied by the faint sounds of slaps and screams.

"UNDERSTOOD KIND SIR! CONTINUE WITH YOUR MORNING ANTICS!" Bigus said apologetically while closing his window.

After Bigus closed his window he resumed his morning routine by taking a shower in the tears of McDonalds employees all while singing the entirety of Link Doyd's "Bright Side Of The Sun". Once he was finished, he got dressed in his finest clothing consisting of a striped shirt, capris, and velcro Sketchers that lit up in blinding lights whenever he moved even an inch. He was a snazzy man to say the least. Ouncelini then went to see how many "points" he got with what he called his "scoreboard".

"Fuck Yea! I beat my high score by 800 points! I'm the Grand Thicc Master is what I am!" Ouncelini said not realizing that it wasn't a scoreboard but a weigh, and that he was a frightening 6000 pounds.

Ouncelini continued his routine by strutting down the street with vigorous shoulder movements to the local McDonalds where he would perform his annual hour long order that even made Bubble Bass cry. Upon violently swinging the Doors Of Donald's open, he made his presence known.

"Hello Children, It Is I... Bigus Zucchini Ouncelini! Your Number One Customer!" Ouncelini exclaimed in his booming voice.

"Shut Your Overgrown Ass You Fat Bastard!" The manager replied. "Be careful everyone, don't let him get too close or he'll drop his fat ass on you."

"Now that isn't very polite, a customer is always supposed to be treated politely."

"You aren't a customer dumbass, your a fucking hippo."

"Well I like hippos a great deal as a matter of fact. So much so that I have made love to one." Ounce said as if nothing was wrong with shoving a hippopotamus' magnum dong up one's ass with vigorous intent.

"What the fuck Bodil Joensen?" A random customer chimed in.

"Just take your fucking order fatty and get out." The manager said trying to end this odd dialogue exchange about hankying a hippo's wankie.

After Ouncelini finished his order, he made his way to what he called "Eleventh Heaven". This was of course the world famous "Ronald McDonald Play Place". Before he could enter the children's chamber, he noticed a sign that stated that there was a fine line between being Thicc and Morbidly Obese and that Omega Obese people were not allowed.

"Hit or miss me with that gay shit Ronald or I'll shit on your corpse." Ouncelini said as he blasted the door open with his booty causing every child in that room to implode.

Ouncelini proceeded to run at full speed to his favorite part of the playground while hurling children left and right, hitting parents with his self defense frying pan that he kept stored in his bum pocket, and screaming the lyrics of "Dancing Queen" by ABBA.