To Be So Lonely // Ben Solo

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Maz snuck up behind Leia as she leaned on the console for support. "Leia," she said pointedly.

Leia nodded her head, her hand reaching for Maz's aid. Together, they walked slowly and carefully to Leia's cove, helping her to sit down.

"What is it?" asked Maz, taking the woman's hands in hers.

"Ben," whispered Leia, closing her eyes. "I have to reach him, one last time. It's my turn," she told Maz. She was delusional, now, weak and wobbly, and her eyes were glossed over with a newfound mission.

Maz could do nothing. She helped Leia to sit straight, standing at a distance and maintaining an eye on her, but Leia was connecting with the Froce in a way that Maz could not understand or explain. She watched cautiously.

                                            -

An incoming wave pushed Rey and Ben apart, forcing them to jump onto another section of the Death Star wreckage. They fought for a small time before another wave pushed them away from each other. Rey flipped backwards, and the minute her feet were planted on the ground, she held her lightsaber at the ready, but Ben didn't follow, not immediately.

Her eyes scanned through the wave, watching and waiting, until she saw him. He was drenched now, as she was, walking through the remains of the wave as it crashed down on him.

As she swung her lightsaber at him, she became tired and slower with every swing, and she couldn't tell herself why she was fighting him. Maybe it was because he destroyed the Wayfinder, maybe it was because she was tired, of everything, she was scared. She knew the minute he destroyed the Wayfinder in his hand that she wanted to take her anger out, and it happened to be him.

He swung his saber at her, mid chest, and her hand extended to block herself. They both glanced at each other, pained grunts exuding from their lips as they realized she caught his lightsaber with the Force. She pushed him once, hard, and swung at him, only for him to catch her lightsaber with his hand, too. She scoffed. Dyad. Right.

They fought for too long. She was tiring and he was not, but it was not fatigue that was causing her to slow. It was confusion. The high of being enraged was dwindling with every swing. She could recognize it as the Palpatine in her, the quick jump to power, but it would never prevail. She could barely even tell if they were truly fighting to kill or if they were fighting just because.

Ben knocked his shoulder into her. When she fell, her lightsaber flew a few feet away, and he brought his lightsaber above his head to hurt her, at the very least, but it never came down. As Rey's eyes opened, after not feeling the blow she thought he was going to deliver, she saw his attention was not even on her. He was staring off in the distance, behind her, but at what, she would never know.

Rey didn't think, she just did, and she kicked his shin, causing his hands to open and drop his lightsaber. She grabbed his saber, ignited it, and stabbed it into his stomach.

His gasp, his mother's gasp, and Rey's own were connected in that moment the saber pushed into his stomach. She heard the echoing of their simultaneous gasp, realizing his gasp of pain was felt through the three of them in that moment.

Rey dropped the lightsaber immediately. "Leia," she breathed, but it was too late to save her. She died the moment Rey shoved the lightsaber through Ben's stomach. She could feel Leia's sorrow, her disparity, the longing for her son in the brief moment the three of them were connected, before it was silence.

Ben fell. His hand slapped over his abdomen. He didn't blame Rey for what she did. As he looked at her, when she crouched down to his level, it was not with anger. His eyes, though pained, held understanding and some ounce of fear for what he had just seen. His mother...Feeling her die. He had seen too much now, too many of his family members dead. His guilt outweighed any sadness he felt for the three of them.

Rey didn't know much behind her actions anymore, but she knew when she pressed her hand over his, trying to heal him, that it was because of Leia. His mother believed in him. Rey had to, too.

Ben watched with caution as Rey's hand fell from over his own. His heart no longer beat out of his chest and the shooting pain going up his body ceased. He glanced down, seeing no hole in his abdomen anymore, and he was not relieved. Tears fell from his eyes the minute he understood what Rey did.

Maybe it was time. Maybe the years of build up rage, hidden emotions, or general angst got to him in what he thought were his final moments, or maybe it was because he regretted everything he had done in his life. But Ben sat there and started to cry, not caring that Rey was in front of him, only thinking about all the poor decisions he had made in his life and where that left him--alone. He felt relief when she stabbed him. It could be over. He could just go see Cyra and his mother and Han, if he'd made it, somehow, but as soon as he thought life would cease, it didn't.

"Why?" he muttered at Rey, looking up at her through the wet hair stuck over his brow.

A tear fell from Rey's eye, too. "Because they believe in you. And I do, too," she whispered to him. She watched him for a minute, waiting for him to pull himself together, and when he didn't, she stood. "I did want to take your hand. Ben's hand," she told him softly, before she ran for his ship and left him behind, figuring he was not ready to help her stop Palpatine. She severely hoped he was, in time.