𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐘

84 | clusterfuck

I can't stay here.

I'm tired and emotionally drained. My legs give up on me when I reach the lime colored couch in the living room. The only thing I want to do is sleep.

I will leave first thing in the morning, before either of them wakes up.

***

A slight tug on my sleeve causes me to stir on the soft couch. In my grip a cushion is smooched against my chest and I bury my face in the fluffy pillow when a light kick on my thigh makes me whine annoyed and I mutter a few curse words to whomever dared to interrupt me from my precious sleep. I've had a shitty night and the last thing I want to do is face the reality of things.

"Leave me alone," I mumble and with that I can feel a cushion being pressed against my face and I'm wide awake. "What the fuck?" I blink several times and take in my surroundings then glance at the digital clock in the kitchen. It's six twenty and then I look at a confused Joy in cute hot pink pjs with disheveled hair standing right next to me.

"Dude, when did you come here?" She asks, stretching her arms and yawns. I look behind her where her bedroom door is and it's shut.

"Around two thirty." I answer. "I texted you."

"Sorry, I just saw your message." Joy says smiling apologetically.

"It's okay," I get off her couch and straighten my clothes before grabbing my duffel bag. "I meant to leave before either of you wake up. It was late and I was too tired to go back to the bus stop."

"Relax, I'm gonna make us some coffee and bring out some croissants." She says. "You wanna go talk at the fire escape? Walls are thin and I want Yoongi to rest. His schedule is pretty hectic and he'll probably leave when he wakes up."

"Yeah, of course." I open the window and wait for her on the metallic stairwell as she makes us some warm coffee in the kitchen. I tie my messy hair up in a bun and the cool morning breeze hits my neck. I wrap myself in the mustard colored blanket I brought with me from inside and rest my back against the red bricked wall. The empty streets right underneath are still wet from yesterday's downpour and the sky is still cloudy. Faint sun rays make a feeble attempt at piercing through the gray barrier that makes this city look so sad, gloomy and catatonic. I always found it peculiar how the weather could make you feel a certain type of way, but then again it's not like I feel like shit because of the sky.

I can hear footsteps coming from inside and Joy pipes her head from the window with a tray that contains croissants and mugs of coffee. The smell of these goodies is strangely comforting.

"You look like shit." Joy comments and sits on the floor of the fire escape. "Fuck, my ass got wet." I'm using her blanket to cover my derriere from the wetness of the stairs.

I take a sip from my beverage. "No one looks like a supermodel when they wake up J." Well, that's not entirely true. I know one person that looks attractive regardless of the circumstances.

"My point is," she starts as she takes a bite from a croissant with chocolate filling. "What's wrong? Are you still busy missing your beloved boyfriend?"

My stomach churns at the mentioning of Jungkook. I bite on my croissant and chew on it in silence.

"Seriously though, when is he coming back?" She proceeds. "You're so dick deprived E, you need it so bad to start functioning like a normal human being again."

In other circumstances, I would laugh at her slimy joke, but this time I don't say anything.

"Okay, you're being too quiet." Joy finally says. "What's going on?"

"Jungkook said I was needy." I murmur.

Joy puts her mug of coffee on the floor and looks up at me. "What?"

"He said I was needy and I acted all wife and shit and that I make everything about me." I repeat, my tone as cold as the morning breeze.

"Wait what?" She yelps. "When?"

"Last night."

She gets up from the floor and almost brings down her coffee mug down. "He's so lucky he's in Seoul, because he's so fucked right now."

I sigh. "He's back in New York."

"What!"

"Can you lower your tone?" I say, worrying that her neighbors will wake up and bitch on us.

"Whatever." She snorts. "I'm going to fuck up that piece of trash. Just break up with him already!"

"He didn't mean it." I straighten my back and sip on my coffee. "I tried to confront him about why he left and for some reason he's being very secretive about it."

"That is no excuse for him to act like a dick." Joy says, resting her hand on her hip. "You have every right to know why he went there."

"I don't know Joy," I mutter and place the mug down.

"Stop being a pushover!" She shrieks.

"I'm not being a pushover." I argue.

"Bitch, you're my pushover! We both know what a people pleaser you are."

A smile plays on my face. "Jimin said the same thing."

"Well, everyone would agree on that." She says. "Wait, you still talk to Jimin? Isn't he like the dancer guy you were obsessed with?"

"Yes, he's Jungkook' best friend."

"Yeah, you kissed him at your party at your shitty boyfriend' mansion. Just when Yoongi and I brought the cake. And then Jungkook ruined everything because he's insecure."

"That's about right."

"Jesus," she huffs. "What a wack job."

I laugh. "Can you stop that?"

"Stop spitting facts about your boyfriend' bitch ass? No, thank you. He should treat you with respect. I can't tell you who to date Elena, but until he cleans up his act, I shall continue dissing him with no remorse."

"You're something else."

Joy looks at me carefully. "You didn't clean off your makeup from your shift. That shit is bad for your skin. I'm going inside to bring you some wipes." She disappears in her house and I just sit on the stairs waiting for her to return.

"Yeah," I mutter, my mind going at Seokjin's offer slash blackmail. I really have no idea how to dodge this obstacle without regretting it for the rest of my life. And if I continue following through every single thing he tells me I should do, I will end up as his puppet.

Joy comes back and tosses me the pack of makeup wipes. I take one out and begin cleaning off my face. I look at her and my stomach sinks as I remember what that arrogant asshole told me earlier.

She doesn't have a future because of you.

He's right.

Even though she wasn't the best in academic achievements, she still had aspirations and dreams yet I am the one who took them all away.

Joy never once blamed me for what I've done.

My eyes tear up but I blink them away. "Joy?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."