Shattered

Carter (e)

"You have a meeting in five minutes, sir."

Even though I heard Hazel, I turned to the paperwork on my desk as if I didn't care. In reality, it was taking everything in me not to snap at something Hazel didn't do. I could feel her eyes like daggers on my face. But I could also feel the beginning of an attack; the one that made my head spin and my heart pound out of my chest. Just like it had already been doing with Hazel in this room.

"Cancel it." I was barely able to get the words out, the panic in my chest forming quickly, as it always did when I least expected it.

As the air retreated from my lungs and the fear made itself at home, I could hear Hazel calling my name, over and over until I was forced to look at her.

I stood abruptly, as if to lunge toward my assistant, wanting to shout at her to get out of my office, but the words died on my tongue. And Hazel didn't move.

The attacks were frequent when I was alone, when there was no one to stop the intrusive or nightmarish thoughts. They were something I had gotten so used to that I expected them to happen, but now that I wasn't alone, I didn't have a way to stop it.

There was no stopping the flood of fear, or the image of someone standing right before me, but it wasn't Hazel. Instead, my nightmares come to life—the very things I had been dreading.

An intense, burning anger seared through me, but there was also the fear, the images and the familiar feelings that should have been long forgotten. I held my breath and backed away, peeling myself from around my desk as they came closer.

A fleeting thought that made the panic dissipate, a taste of confidence. I was bigger, stronger than I was eight years ago. I could defend myself.

I took a step closer, and then another and another. Don't think, a part of me screamed. Finish what he couldn't.

Fist clenched at my side, I lunged, flying to meet the one person I could never beat. I could finally get my revenge.

"Mr. Wright, stop!"

Those words were enough to do exactly that, left gasping for the breath I didn't realize I was holding as my senses flooded back through me. As I realized that the person I was about to hit was Hazel.

What was wrong with me?

I quickly backed away, forcing myself not to stare at Hazel's fearful gaze, one glimpse enough for my shameful, embarrassed heart.

"I'm so sorry." I barely heard myself say as I backed from the room.

Hazel called my name again, but I wasn't going to turn back. I could hear her footsteps, my mind beginning to race with thoughts of her following after me.

Back in the lobby, I breathed out a sigh when I realized no one was behind me. Instead, I soaked in the rays from the afternoon sun. Even though winter was rapidly approaching, the rays were a distraction—they always had a knack for making me forget about all of the bad parts of my life, their warmth, however fleeting, was comforting.

But like all good things, like sun rays in winter, they never lasted.

Any chance that I had with Hazel was now blown—after seeing a part of me I did so well to hide—if she stayed, there was no way she'd look at me the same.

"Carter Wright!"

The sound of my name being called stopped me in my tracks, stopping to glance around to match a face to the voice. It was too familiar.

It was a quick sweep, nothing more, pretending that I didn't notice the person running toward me.

The sound of the car engine roaring to life calmed me, but it barely lasted as this certain figure was now close to my car.