Let Me Count The Ways

5: And So, She Decided to Be Brave

Kim Goeun counts all the times she stayed a universe away even when she was in his arms, and the one time she finally makes a quantum leap.

It was a game she played with herself. Which man was hugging her, Lee Gon or Lee Minho? She had learned how to categorize which man was holding her by the little things he did which she wasn't sure he was even aware of.

The first time she felt the difference was in Gwanghwamun Square. He was mechanical during rehearsal, telling her in very exact terms where his arms and hands would be and how tight, how long, he would hold her. His limbs also had the capacity to land unerringly in the same place they had been 2 or 3 takes ago, so the shots, even during practice, were always seamless. He was also very still, immovable as a statue. When he had held her like that, in such precise, unchanging fashion, it was easy for her to switch on TaeEul.

That's why it threw her a bit when, during the actual shoot, his hug had changed.

Their assistants had just taken the bulky puffer jackets from them when they both let out matching whooshes of breath and subsequent shivers. Then they had snapped into position as per their rehearsal. But when he took her in his arms, in what was probably the 8th time that night, he suddenly swayed. Just a slight, gentle, rocking motion on the balls of his feet.

It wasn't a Lee Gon thing to do, so she had filed it under Lee Minho's List of Random Acts During Hugs. She didn't know what to make of it.

"Should I push?"

The swaying stopped.

"Not yet."

A few seconds ticked by and they remained as motionless as the statue of Admiral Yi Sunshin towering above them. He was back to Lee Gon, she thought.

"Should I push now?"

"Are you still cold?"

So startled by the question, she didn't even think to lie. She thought about it, really thought about it— with her face tucked into his chest, shoulders and back covered by his arms and hands, she was quite...warm.

"No."

"Okay, push me."

So she had pushed him away from her, along with the idea that he had prolonged their hug because he thought she was still cold.

The second time Lee Gon hugged Jeong Taeeul was in the 6th episode. Lee Minho had stood in the middle of the yard of the Hero Taekwondo Center at Chungju like a marble version of himself. Cold, immobile under the warm yellow lights scattered about in the yard, feet together, hands behind his back, no doubt clasped around his riding crop, and spine so straight and tall— it was undoubtedly Lee Gon. That's why she had no qualms about Taeeul barreling straight into him like a bullet out of a gun. She liked that he always managed to catch her without being bowled over for all the 5 times she had to do it.

He had been instructed to press his cheek into the back of her head and to smooth down her hair in a soothing motion. And he had done so, perfectly well for all 4 times. But on their last take, she had felt him break out of Lee Gon's granite stillness when he spread out his fingers, almost burying them in her hair, and completely cupping the back of her head. He used them to press his cheek to her just a little bit closer than before.

Then she remembered thinking that Lee Minho had nice, large, and warm hands before her eyes had drifted close. It was too late before she realized what she, Kim Goeun, had done— that it was her who had nuzzled deeper into Lee Minho's chest and had felt so contented, she had closed her eyes. Not Jeong Taeeul.