𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐘

82 | disappointment

I miss him already.

And for some reason, this feels worse than when he left for Seoul. 

Because at least then, we were on good terms and now we're well...we're not.

He didn't seem angry at me earlier though. Jungkook was being defensive and ruthless, but even when I said some horrible things to him, he didn't react the way I expected him to. I was anticipating more of a temperamental, hotheaded kind of a reaction when he just nodded and somewhat accepted what I told him.

I really didn't want to say that he destroys everything in his path and disappears right afterwards but he has a way of completely demolishing a perfect moment because of his fears.

Jungkook acts as if he's done something unspeakable or committed the worst crime in the book and on top of that he still refuses to make me understand what is going on in his head. When tries to isolate himself from me, it hurts me and it aggravates me to say the least. Haven't I given him enough reason to trust me?

That night, after our first date when he told me he used to self harm, I felt so happy when he decided to reveal a part of his past. I got caught up in the moment of course and I cried my ass off like the crybaby that I am, but not once did I make this about me. And here Jungkook comes to me telling me that I'm self centered. 

He knows exactly how to tick me off that's for sure. Since he is familiar with most of my triggers already, then he has to know what makes me happy.

 I grab my heels from my duffel bag and I put them on in  a slow pace. Thinking about Jungkook, messes with my entire system for crying out loud. Why is it that when something bad happens between us, I just shut down completely?

God, I hate that arrogant bastard.

I sigh. 

Of course I don't hate him. How could I? I've had the best and worst time with him this year. And I would like to think that the good over-weighs the bad.

I sigh again. 

Jungkook sure knows how to fuck with my head even when he's not present. 

"Hey Elena," someone suddenly says and I turn around in a flash, hoping that it's him. But it's not. "Boss wanted me to tell you to go to his office before you head up on stage." Mark is standing in place of the person I imagined was there and I let out a disappointed breath. 

My blood runs cold. "He's back from his business trip?" I thought he would be gone for at least another month. 

"Well, turns out his father wanted him to return earlier to handle his shit here." Mark mutters. "As it turns out Mr Kim doesn't want his beloved son to create hotels that provide female company, but he has set his mind on trying to convince him."

I snort. "Yeah, more like forcing his illegal ideas on him."

"Quiet," he hushes and looks around conspicuously. "Well yeah, more or less. You know how he can be."

I cross my arms. "Yeah. Did he happen to tell you why he wanted to see me?" I inquire. 

"No, just that you need to get your ass to his office right now." He replies swiftly and takes his leave. 

"Great," I mutter and leave the dressing room then head towards my boss's office who obviously is the owner of the Golden Closet along with a string of other night clubs in the state. I can feel my legs become sore from going up the stairs in these skyscraper heels.

The entire top floor of the building belongs solely to my boss and I can't say that I really enjoy going there given my history with that man.

On my first year in NYU, I was the typical lost girl who was in desperate need of a job.

But not just any job.

I needed quick money. I couldn't afford to take minimum wage and as picky and annoying as it sounds, I really needed the money because I didn't have any financial support from anyone. My mother doesn't have a job considering that she's only a trophy wife and her reason for living is endless consumerism and her boy toys and my father has stopped providing for me. Meanwhile, my stepdad doesn't give a shit about me (classic, I know) and even though my stepsister, Violet is a total sweetheart she managed to send me some cash from time to time, but I couldn't rely on her for the rest of my college life. I had to become independent no matter what, because I know that I have no one to help me out.

When my dad cut me off, I was considering of not even going to university and just settle for some random job so that I could at least support myself. Joy was the one who pushed me and convinced me that I will make it. If it weren't for my best friend, I would have nothing and I am extremely thankful for everything she has done for me. Besides, she was the one who recommended me to Seokjin. 

Don't get me wrong, she didn't encourage me to go down the path of prostitution. My boss owns a number of nightclubs all over New York and Joy used to work at Carpe Diem, one of the clubs we used to hang out (even though we weren't supposed to because we were underage).

However, she only suggested me to start working at the club as a waitress because it paid well and I did work at Carpe Diem for a few months until circumstances weren't allowing me to stay there any longer, so I had to start working as a stripper at the Golden Closet.

I took part at something that happened last year and even though I wasn't technically responsible for that incident, my boss found a way to hold that over my head as blackmail.

I didn't have a choice and at the time it seemed like the perfect deal with the devil, considering  I had plenty of dance experience. But I still needed to practice all those acrobatics on the pole before I became confident enough to go up on stage.

I never wanted this, and when my boss 'asked' me to work as a stripper, it wasn't a question of can or can't. I guess some things in life you just have to do regardless of whether you want to or not.

I take off my heels and rest my feet against the cold floor in the hallway. The balls of my feet are used to being strained worse than this. That flight of stairs was hell for my legs. Being on the pole was better because at least then, my feet would rest while I'm midair.

Once the numbness goes away from my feet, I finally wear my high heels and knock on the black door. I can hear soft moans and low guttural growls behind the walls and I wish that those sounds aren't what I think they are.

this week yall are getting only one update bc my laptop charger got burnt:( normally, i wasn't planning on updating at all but i found out that i have this so..

thank u for reading🖤