Umbra Mea

James sighed in relief as Professor Call dismissed the class that afternoon. Another day had passed without her, the sixth to be exact. The condolences kept flooding in from everyone he talked to. He dipped his head down and exited the classroom, hoping that he could simply blend into the sea of students on the large college campus. Only one more week, and he would graduate.

As he hurried through the halls, however, he knew there was one classroom he could not rush by - Professor Mulfred’s classroom, the classroom that he always found Melanie in everyday after school. On a regular day, he would have stopped there and waited for her to come after of one of the many conversations she had with her favorite professor.

Professor Mulfred was known by all the students and had been teaching for as long as anyone could remember. He taught psychology, which could not have suited him more perfectly. He had a peculiar way of looking at life from several points of view all at once, so much so that you could not tell which point of view he agreed with, or even which one was his own. Melanie adored his class, and after freshman year she decided to switch her major to psychology simply because of him.

Professor Mulfred gave James a warm smile, the corner of his eyes crinkling. It was obvious to everyone that the professor truly loved his job - James could not picture him anywhere else. As he passed the classroom, he waved him in invitingly.

“James!” he called out, beckoning him to take a seat. The professor looked at him as though nothing had changed, a sharp contrast to the dozens of sympathetic looks and condolences James had received over the past week - the condolences that James did not believe he deserved.

Mr. Mulfred’s lecture room was so very different from the others. Instead of all of the desks facing towards the front, he had them arranged in a large circle. James recalled the many times Melanie had spoken of his verbal quizzes, which she had highly underestimated freshman year. As time went on, she learned to love them and became very engaged in the class. James sighed, nostalgic at the memory.

“I just wanted to call you in to talk to you a bit. I’m afraid I didn’t get a chance yesterday,” said the Professor. Once again, his tone remained normal, though it was a bit cautious, as though he was unsure of how James would react to the mention of yesterday.

“I’m sorry about that. Yesterday was....overwhelming,” said James. In his mind, he scoffed. Overwhelming? The adjective couldn’t even begin to describe what he had gone through yesterday.

Yesterday had been Melanie’s funeral. James had remained secluded from everyone, quietly accepting condolences with a guilty demeanor. He saw Professor Mulfred there,but was too ashamed to approach him.

This time, sympathy clearly showed in Professor Mulfred’s face, along with sadness.

“Yes....I imagine it was for everyone. It certainly was for me,” he said, the corners of his mouth turning down slightly. “She was a wonderful student, you know. One of the best. She would have gone far in the world, I know it,” he said, smiling slightly at the memory of her.

James nodded in agreement. “Of course she would have....” he trailed off, not finishing the sentence which he knew was true. She would have...if not for him. He clenched his fists on the desk, glancing down at his left hand. It would have had a wedding ring on it only a few months after graduation if he hadn’t been so careless.

Professor Mulfred’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched James. He had always had a way of reading people and knowing exactly what they felt. James supposed that was why so many students came to him for comfort and advice. The professor watched his expression carefully, looking him up and down.

“It’s not your fault, you know. Nobody thinks that,” he said, realizing James’ thoughts.

James sighed, closing his eyes. “Mr. Mulfred, with all due respect, I’ve heard those words too many times today.”