"No." he rebutted in a serious tone, making my eyes watery again.
"You won't know, at least put some clothes on―"
"Just shut up, okay?" he stopped from typing, massaging his forehead. "I can't focus here, Y/N. Just sleep, dammit."
i shouldn't be surprised. i shouldn't cry. why am i so noisy? why am i so annoying?! i'm obviously disturbing him! can't i understand the situation he's in?! am i really that dumb? it's my fault! i shouldn't insist anymore. i should just give up. if this is his way of playing our game, then i'll say it's getting boring. no, more like, it's hurting me already.
we need to stop. No, you need to stop, Y/N. Stop. Drop everything now.
i closed my eyes for the hundredth time, clenching my fists and after all, "Okay" was all i can say. standing up from the couch, i headed for the bedroom we share. opening the lights, all that i can see was our memories. our picture frames hanging on the wall, our love notes stuck on my cabinet mirror, and more. how i badly miss those days.
Drop everything now, Y/N. Stop this game.
no more questions asked i cried. again. nothing new. nothing has changed, only Shalnark. ever since he joined that Phantom Troupe, he changed. not just because he's busy but...his emotions, his actions, everything. it feels like he's a totally different person.
crying, i laid on the cold bed that we used to share. can i ever let him go? it's very obvious that the answer is no, i can't. time passed by and little did i knew i grew tired, falling asleep but in between three and four, i woke up again. i felt the urge to drink something, it feels like...i'm so deranged.
"Are you going to remind me to sleep every hour?"
my blood boils but at the same time, feeling my heart crack. he never used that bored, cold tone on me before but i guess i shouldn't be surprised, right?
"I'm going to drink water." i tried to put up a cold tone too but my voice just crack.
"Are you crying, Y/N? Again?" again? my eyebrow raised.
"You don't care."
proceeding to the kitchen, i grab a cold pitcher from the refrigerator as i drank it straight, not minding the droplets on the floor.
"I care..."
Shalnark whispered, making me bite my lip. is he joking? yes, he is! what's his plan now? play with my feelings and emotions? is this what he wants? no way, if a fight is what he longs for, i'm giving him one.
"You care?" a bitter tone painted on my voice. "Don't joke on me, Shalnark. I'm tired from those."
"Y/N, don't be like that―"
"No Shalnark, that's my line! Don't be like that, stop being like that! I'm sick of you!"
i shouted back, walking towards his direction before i kicked his chair, forcing him to look at me. he...looked so pale. my eyes watered once again but this time, i cried in front of him. there's no point in hiding anyways.
"I-I am your girlfriend but you never treated me like that, or maybe once...or twice so thank you. Those codes, those passwords, that troupe, they're much important to you. And that's fine with me, to be honest. The problem's your attitude! You don't know how to manage your time, to divide it on your priorities. Do I look like a potato to you? Am I a chair? A goddamn piano?!"
clenching my fists, i shouted everything leaving my boyfriend dumbfounded. as if something hit him hard in the end, he blinked twice before standing up and hugging me. pushing him away, i gave up. this kind of band-aid for his actions isn't going to work on me anymore. he's going to stop me from shouting by kissing me and saying "Sorry" but in the end, my words won't mean anything to him.
And I'm so tired of it!
"Y/N, let's talk about this calmly."
"Calmly?!" i laughed. "You won't listen, Shalnark! Calm or not, in the end, you'll still continue that work! Look at you..." i hushed, cries getting harder to contain.
"You're not you anymore. The Shalnark in front of me right now isn't the one I planned to marry someday!" slapping him hard in the face, i bit my lips. Sorry! I'm so sorry...
"Give me back my Shalnark! Give me back my boyfriend, please..."
i thought that he's going to back-off because i slapped him but instead, he brought his hands on my face, wiping my tears away. as much as i wanted to feel his touch again, i shove it away running back to my room. i guess it's time...time to settle everything, time to settle which is much important. his work or me, the troupe or me. i'll accept any answer he'll give me.
Because deep down I know I love him and I can't ever let go of my Shalnark.
"S-sorry..." You're not sorry.
"Shal, I'll give you the options. You know what I'm talking about that's why don't ever show your face to me..."
i looked at him, confusion and shock are evident on his face.
"...until you knew your answer."
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