A Touchstarved Prince

Chapter 1

Roman looked into the distance, a beautiful ocean before him. It was nice, y'know? Being able to imagine such beautiful, beautiful things that can help calm you down and put you in a more relaxed state of mind.

But Roman wasn't relaxed.

He felt dull, so empty and not himself. He wanted to jump in the ocean, let himself drift away into the distance, away from everyone else.

He wanted to sink.

He felt his chest tighten just at the thought, feeling a horrible feeling of curiousity and fear. He wanted to, god he wanted to. But how would the others react?

Logan? He probably wouldn't notice.

Virgil? Definitely wouldn't care.

Janus? He'd laugh.

Patton?

..

Patton. The one he had trusted, the one who he listened to, the one who gave him a promise that everything will be okay.

Broke the promise.

Roman feels betrayed, turned down and embarrassed. But again, he was used to it. He was used to the shutdowns, the insults and the constant feeling of betrayal. He wanted to just feel a warm hug, he wanted to feel true, genuine affection. Not white lies. But ofcourse it was too much to ask for. Maybe he was just being needy and selfish? Again, he was used to it.

He felt his shoulders go limp as he hung his head low, unable to help the choked sob ripping through his throat.

God, it hurt. It really, really hurt. He wanted to run, wanted to leave but.. but he can't. He wanted to be there for Thomas, he wanted to make the others happy, he wanted to see them smile.

But he even failed at that.

He couldn't do anything right, could he? And there it goes again. The choked, surpressed sob that rips through his throat without consent. He could only sniffle helplessly, clutching onto air with the desperate want of a hug.

He was so terribly touchstarved, he felt misunderstood, he wanted to prove himself to everyone. He hoped and hoped to make the others realise he wasn't just a selfish jerk, that he could make an impact on the world. But he's losing hope.

He can't even do that correctly, how pathetic.

He could only helplessly tuck his knees under his chin, hugging his legs as he felt uncontrollable whimpers and sobs rip through him like a dagger.

He went on like this for a long time, for what felt like hours, until he heard footsteps behind him. Footsteps that he knew all too well, footsteps that he had always heard at times where he just wanted to be alone but also wanted someone to talk to.

Remus's footsteps.

He couldn't be bothered to turn around to "greet" his brother, all he did was bury his face deeper into his hands and tried to control his sobs. He couldn't embarrass himself infront of his brother, his rival and his competition. His other half.

"Hey." There was something up. Remus didn't sound wicked, he didn't have a wide, cheeky grin and he didn't look like he had any dangerous intent. Roman shakily looked up, eyes bloodshot red and glassy.

Remus looked calm. So fond, relaxing and calming. Something Roman had never seen before.

Remus's heart melting expression slowly faded into a frown, inching closer to Roman and cupping the other's cheeks.

Roman was surprised. He wasn't expecting such a warm action from Remus of all people. But.. he couldn't help it. He couldn't help the way his features shivered, the way his shoulders limped and the fact that he couldn't help but wrap his arms around the other, uncontrollable sobs ripping through him as he hid his face in the other's shoulders.

And to Roman's surprise, Remus hugged back. He whispered comforting things to the other, voice soothing and calming. He was so gentle, treating Roman like a fragile doll.

Roman only cried more, begging and begging for something that even he wasn't sure of. He didn't know what he wants, what he needs but he craved the hug he was having. He didn't care how weak he seemed, he didn't care about how quick his walls of ego crumbled, he just wanted to stay like this.

He felt cared for and loved, something he hasn't felt in a long time.

But he sure as hell loved it.