Dear friend,

1,740 Tyler talked to me today but hardly. I think the hardest thing about this whole Tyler thing is that he moved on so fast and doesn't even care that I still love him. It's heart breaking and no one understands.

I like Jeremy. But so does Toni, so there goes my chances of ever having him. But me and him are closer than they'll ever be! But Toni gets what she wants, always no matter what it is. When it comes to her I have no chance.

Toni is driving me crazy, she always just "happens" to like who I like. And she steals everything that's mine, what kind of a "friend" does that? Not one that I want.

I did a bad thing... I told Jeremy that Toni likes him. And then promised Toni I didn't. I feel bad inside now, but she does it to me all the time so in a way she deserves it, but I still feel bad.

Jeremy really wants to read you but if he does, he'll find out everything. He'll find out i like him, he'll find out that I write about him a lot, and he'll probably think that's creepy, I don't want that.

Toni says me and Jeremy like each other but I know she's lying. I haven't even told anyone I like Jeremy. And I know for a fact Jeremy doesn't like me. Ugh why is everything so complex?

I changed a lot lately. I used to be all about making out with every guy I could, and smoking, and drinking and having sex before marriage, but now all of those things just seem so trashy to me. Like I can't even believe I wanted to do that. I mean I still want to smoke and drink, because of the way it made me feel, and how it made me forget. But it's trashy and ugly on girls, and the only people who would do that are the people I'm so done with. But oh we'll I've changed for the better, and I'm glad I did. It's opened my eyes to all the things I could have been doing instead of smoking and making out, I'm glad I changed.

Alek. I've gone out with alek twice. And he just told me he misses me and he wants to transfer, and I'm trying to be help full and nice, but honestly all he's ever done is be an ass to me and all my friends but I feel bad because he has no friends anymore, and I just I don't know what to do, I'm lost.

Me and Jeremy didn't talk as much today. That made me sad, we usually talk constantly from like 7:30-11:00 so I thought it was weird that he didn't text me like almost at all today. Me and have stuff to talk about,but we're running out of things, is that bad? I hope not. I want to stay best friends with him for a very long time. Being best friends with makes me all happy inside. Ha it makes me have butterfly's in my stomach. What is the thing that you feel when you feel butterfly's in your stomach? -abbbyyyyy(: