The Addict

I remember.

The addict has a problem.
The addict is a problem.
The addict is your problem.
You're the addicts problem.

Its a cycle of problems and never ending issues. Each one believes its the others fault and their own all at the same time. when someone comes into your life and fills a hole in your heart that you thought would never be filled again, it means something. Then when that person disappears for days at a time that means something too. It means they care more about the thing controlling them then your family.
It means that the power the drugs have on them is too strong for the love to break. It means he's not strong enough to make it without them when we should be enough. The drugs were a choice, the addiction wasn't. Stealing my pills was a choice, and so was using them. Stealing our money was a choice, and so was buying cocaine. Breaking picture frames was a reaction, and so was walking out the door.
Crying on the front porch pounding on the door begging to come inside was a plea for help, and so were the slits on your wrists. Staying in a crack house was where you chose to live while my mother was home 8 months pregnant with your child.
Being my friend was a choice, and being my father figure just happened. The drinking was an addiction, and the smoking was a place holder. The drugs were too strong, and you were too weak. You were there for me, and then you weren't. You were welcomed into our home, and then you were locked out.
You were someone I looked up to, and now you're someone I don't see at all. You were there for me and now you haven't been seen in months. You were just thirteen when you started nicotine, and you were only thirteen when you started smoking weed. You were living your teenage years and not worrying about your future. you turned to harder things and people turned away. We took you to rehab but you never stayed. We took you and we took you and we took you and we took you and we took you again. We picked you up and we picked you up and we picked you up and we picked you up and we picked you up again. you walked out and you had a box in your hand. A little purple box. But not a true color purple. It wasn't just a box it was a little wooden book. The pages were colored yellow. The book opened like it was a secret hiding spot. I could tell you spent time making it. The lines were smooth. The colors were my favorite. But you knew that. You walked to the car. The purple box in hand. As you walked and walked for what seemed like years, I watched. I watched you make your way to our car. The car you hadn't been in for weeks. I watched you with eyes that had been filled with tears countless times. I watched. You walked. Then you were here. I could see the medical bracelet on your wrist. I was unaware as to why it was there. I was oblivious. I knew what it was. I knew what was going on. I knew what you did. But at the same time I didn't. I was only 9 years old. I was only 9 years old and I was just glad to have my friend back. My mom stayed quiet and I watched you in amazement. we went home. you were finally home. I got my friend back. I got my father back. You gave me my taste in music. You had a big part in making me who I am. You were there for me when I didn't know who that was. You were an idol of mine. You helped me when I was scared. You helped me when I was sad. You helped me be me. You helped me use my imagination. You helped me find what I like. You blasted music. You liked the oldies. Led Zeppelin. The Beatles. Johny Cash. Pink Floyd. Bob Dylan. Bob Dylans greatest hits. Thats what you gave to me on my thirteenth birthday. You wrote me a card. You wrote me a card that made me smile. A card that made me cry. A card that I still think about to this day. It was another thing for me to hold on to. I looked up to you. I thought you were cool. You were a chef. You wore t-shirts. You wore washed out jeans and leather bracelets. You had long hair that reminded me of Jesus and Danny Zuko. You were an idol of mine. I remember you picking me up from a party and blasting techno music so loud that I thought I was going to lose my hearing. I remember the name of a particular song. I remember it was dance to it. I remember walking around the little town we lived in. I remember playing pretend. I remember you breaking off a tree branch we thought looked like a magic wand. I still have that tree branch. I remember thinking we were knights and protecting my mother the queen. I remember going into the big stone water sheds and thinking it was a dragons lair. I remember getting ready to go to renfest. I remember the outfits we all wore. I remember going on bike rides and walks through the park. I remember going to the baseball field and watching the games. I remember playing in the creek and searching for treasure. i remember the look back. the look back was the play you wrote. i remember that you wrote annie into the script just for me. i remember that you wouldn't let anyone else play her. i remember when i was terrified to sing on stage by my self due that show. i remember you changing the script so that your character was on stage with me. i remember the dinner theater. i remember the video games you played. i remember the way you laughed. I remember the different smiles you had. I remember all the games we played. I remember being a family. I remember.