Invisible Line in Between

Chapter 20

"You can stop now, Zendaya..." he gently whispered on my ear as he caressed my back.

I stubbornly shook my head. I wasn't done bidding good bye to our mother yet.

"Mom, I'm sorry if I couldn't grant your wish..." I apologized, pertaining to the short note we found inside the room.

To Zedrick and Zendaya,
I wish that you won't ever have to cry for me. This is my decision. I'll be fine after this, so I hope you two will also be okay.

And to my husband,
I still love you very much. I'm sorry for everything, Richmond. Please take care of our children.

"Like what you said, I really hope you are in a good place now. I hope you're happy because you deserve all the happiness in the world," I told her. "I love you so much, mom... We will see each other again. I promise. It might not be soon, but in time, I know we will."

I couldn't literally say good bye to her, even though it was my intention at first.

Actually, having to say farewell isn't the hardest part, but rather what comes after it. When you say good bye, it means that you'd have to live without that person for a period of time―until you meet them again. In my case, I'd have to live without her for the rest of my life. There's this huge responsibility that I have to do, in order to fill in the gap that's left inside me as she went away to never come back.

It was hard for me because she was there all my life. Even when I had not been introduced to the world yet, she was already with me.

After the eulogy, I broke free from the crowd to have some time alone. I went out of the funeral home to the quiet parking lot. There was a grassy place beside it. I went there and sat on the grass―facing away from the cars. Instead of looking ahead, I lifted my head up.

The sky was painted in black―the same color which had suddenly splashed into my life when I saw my mother lying on the ground. They said that stars couldn't shine without the darkness, and it amazed me how their light could overpower the dark sky. However, it seemed like the stars couldn't win over it tonight. Even the moon was having a hard time showing itself because of the dark clouds, probably getting ready for a heavy precipitation.

"Found you..."

I almost jumped in surprise when I heard a familiar voice. Even his speaking voice had a unique distinction. It sounded beautiful even though he wasn't singing.

Bago ko pa siya malingon ay naramdaman ko ang maingat niyang pag-upo sa aking tabi. Sa gitna ng pagkamangha, nang nilingon ko siya, mas naramdaman ko ang sakit.

Why does he always appears every time I want to be alone? Why is he always there every time that I'm at my breaking point? Why does he always have to see me at my worst?

"I know that you may have been wanting to be alone, but I also feel like you shouldn't be left alone," he told me, explaining why he came to me, then looked up to the sky.

New Classic arrived earlier at my mother's wake before I started my eulogy. They went with Mr. Joel. As the main organizer of their events, they eventually got closer to my mother, especially during their world tour. They admired and respected her as a person, so even though they had busy schedules, they still made time to visit and pay respect.

I didn't pay much attention to their arrival, though. Ate Allison and Jerlyn helped my auntie to assist them and the other mourners as well. My senses were flooded with pain that I couldn't function well. They expressed their condolences to me, but I was busy gathering every courage and strength I had left inside me to stand up and say the words I wanted to tell my mother for the eulogy.