𝐍𝐔𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝐍𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐁𝐎𝐑

45

   "josh this is the sweetest gift ever" she smiles sweetly.

    josh kisses her head.

   "the reason i wanted to have this fancy dinner tonight is because today i had a meeting with the agency and they told the boys and i that were going on tour! i want you to come with me nessa. as my official girlfriend" the boy glows, his happy mood breaking nessa's heart as she remembers what's coming next.

  there's a long silence and josh's expression morphs into a concerned one. he thought things were finally good between them. why is she taking so long to say yes. he knows it's what they both want so why does she keep making it so hard for them to be happy together.

   "ness? say something please".

   "i applied to the new jersey music conservatory and i got accepted. i'm moving back to new jersey on friday" she blurts out. nessa can't take back her words but she sure does wish she would have said them a little more sensitively.

  josh let's go of her, his eyebrows raised and a defeated look on his pale face.

   "anything but that" he mutters referring to his previous request that she say something.

   nessa tries to hug the heartbroken boy but he moves away, leaning against the island and staring at the wall. nessa feels rejected by him and she knows that she's just ripped his heart into tiny pieces but she's still standing by her decision to leave. she has to.

   "i just don't get it nessa" he sighs, sounding more wounded than ever.

   hearing her say she's leaving him really knocked the wind from his body. josh feels like he's running out of air. he's never been this upset before.

   "i'm sorry josh but-"

  "sorry? oh okay so everything fine just because you're sorry? i want you nessa. i've wanted you for a long time now and i thought you wanted me back. do you have any idea how it feels to know that you don't? so what? you were just stinging me along? getting all the benefits out of me?".

  "no that's not it! it's never been like that!" she cries, wiping away her tears.

"why don't you love me enough to stay?" josh yells, his voice cracking. the defeated boy slides down the wall and sits with his head in his arms.

   "joshua i do. that's why i have to go. you need to focus on you and tour now and me? i need to see if my dream is worth working for. if i didn't love you i'd stay or ask you to come with me and be selfish but i'm not. i'm leaving but that doesn't mean this was all for nothing. you've taught me how to let myself be loved josh. you're the reason i'm doing this".

 
  josh looks up at the crying girl and scoffs. "well aren't i my own worst enemy".

   "this isn't a goodbye josh. you can visit whenever you want and i'll be back here lots of times whenever i can. i just couldn't make you do long distance and lose out on all the other- better opportunities you'll have out in the world without me. one day you'll thank me-"

  "yeah maybe one day. but right now? today? i hate that this is what you've decided. why do you get to make all the decisions about what's good for me? nessa this is killing me".

   josh sniffles and pulls himself together. he wipes away the salty tears and stands back up. the broken boy puts on his hoodie and grabs his car keys off of the table. he stands in front of a confused nessa with puffy eyes and a breaking heart.

     "if you leave then that's it between us. we're no longer friends. we're nothing to each other. you might be okay with changing your life so drastically but don't you dare try to change mine without my permission and without talking to me about it. you see ness, as sad and dumb as it might sound, you are my life and you have been from that very first day when you replied back to my text. i cant believe how long it's taken me to see that this relationship is one sided or wait sorry- this fling. everything is on your terms and i'm taking back control. i'm the one walking away now and if you chose to let me keep walking then that's it. but if you finally want to let yourself be happy then say the words and i'll stay".

  josh turns around and walks towards the door. nessa can't bring herself to tell him to stop. she hates herself for making the only boy she's ever loved feel like this. she's broken him and there's no way to
fix it now.

the door slams closed and it's the seal on josh and nessa's fate.

there's no turning back now.

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NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST OMG