Bye-ography

Chapter 1

Note to self: Make sure you're not on your period before attempting to drown yourself in your bathtub.

I sighed as I got up from the tub to put on a tampon. I gagged at the metallic taste of my own blood.
I'm not crazy. I'm not depressed. I'm not bipolar. I'm not exactly suicidal (but I guess the fact that I am going to kill myself doesn't help my cause).
I'm just tired.
I'm always told  that I should be grateful I survived.
Should I be fucking grateful my sister died and not me?
My mom and not me?
My bestfriend and not me?
Sometimes I swear I'm a death magnet except it's the people around me who die and not me. I closed my eyes at the memory of my mother and sister's death. I still remember it as if it were yesterday.

My dad walking into the kitchen with a gun. My sister seeing it first. My sister jumping to stop him.My dad beating her to a pulp.Smashing her head against the counter. Me standing there. Me watching as my 12 year of sister was bleeding out.

You would think after beating his own daughter he would stop but no, guy just had to shoot my mom.Three shots. And I stood frozen on the spot. I could tell she was dead.I covered my ears as Naomi, my sister,screamed. And I stood there watching, hands over my ears.

I looked at my reflection.' Disgusting', I thought.
"If only you had called sooner", I hear the voice of the EMT who had attended to Naomi say in my head. My fist clenched as I remembered how I stood there and watched them bleed out.
'I'm not going to drown myself' I decided. My sister liked swimming and my filthy blood shouldn't mess up her image of water. I punched the mirror as I felt my eyes water
I was surprised to find that I still had tears after all the crying I had been doing for the past 7 years.I punched the mirror again as I sobbed.I cried for my mom who had been shot by her own husband. I cried for my sister to had been beaten to a pulp by her own father. I cried for Rose,  my bestfriend,  who had died the same night she had lost her virginity to a rapist.