One last time, one last thought.

Blackout..

As I hear the bell I look down to my thighs I scratched myself so hard it began to bleed. I didn't remember doing so, either way I ran to my class. The teacher stops me as he was introducing himself.
"Got lost?" He asks meanwhile glaring at me. I nodded and tried to find an open desk. I put my head down and only looked up when I needed to. My chest aches with the feeling I was left with. I didn't like the hole, it felt to big of a gap.
'I didn't mean to hurt her in anyway..PLS MAKE THE VOICES STOP!' As I tried to make them stop but they grew louder. My head hurts, I couldn't focus on making my name tag, I may look fine on the outside you don't know what's happening in my head...
'Stupid whore, you're just like Sandra she didn't make it far. You won't either, just give up and die you worthless hoe. This world doesn't want u. Just di-'
I stopped thinking and became numb, it shuts them up. The bell rang and I went off to lunch and such, I went to find my friends GG, or at least Emma or someone. In the end I finally said hi to my ex. She seemed like she didn't care to much, and I didn't mind that..not like I'll have a chance to correct my wrong doings to her.
'Maybe because you're just a asshole who uses people! KILL YOURSEL-!'
I tuned it out once more, dealing with these thoughts are enough. I need to not break in front of everyone. I kept my composure, I still had feelings for the girl. Just I'm terrible at love...I kept this in my mind a lot.
"Oh! I'm with Emma!" She said during a conversation she sounded happy and cheerful. My heart broke, jealousy fueled me. I hated myself for this Emma was a great girl, I know she is. I just can't deal with my emotions.
'Die and you will be free for once you fatass don't eat!' Not like your mother or father will care anyways. They will just try drowning you once more.'
The voice I couldn't stop it. Focus on playing a mask be confident be strong! BE STAR!
"Star!" My friend calls out to me. Her name was Isabella as she jumps and hugs me.
"RAPPPEEE!!! AGH!" I scream so she gets off of me I didn't like hugs or touch..just because many people ruined it for me. I elbowed her in the chest and it got her to back off.
Everyone turned and laughed meanwhile she said wimped. I said sorry and tried to make up for it. I didn't do a good job, after some time a bit she teased me. Me and my friends decided to continue on with laughing and talking, more like them laughing.
'Be Star, you know they don't know the real you. It's a code word anyways, accept it don't keep pushing it away!'
It grew louder chanting Star!
'No, my name is Estrella not Star.' I begin saying in my head.
The bell rang and so on I went to science, I had GG, Jay, and a different Mariah in that class. We all sat down and talked and did our work. I got more worried towards the end of the day. I don't wanna imagine what will happen when I go home...
'Mom's gonna be maddddd!' As it chanted.
The bell rang as soon as I stepped into the class, and Mr.Para was amazing. He seemed really fun and all, I just didn't wanna go home. Health was something, but I saw a familiar face in the hallway, didn't care to really try to remember. After the last hour of school I left to go home, I walked with my friend named Allie. We laughed and talked getting my mind off home life.
I got home after 15mins of walking with Allie, we said bye and all and left. I looked at my house and was ready for what was gonna come when my parents get home. I changed my clothes and went to go get my brother like usual. I waited outside with my headphones and music playing. I saw my brother he looked all happy, he was gonna go to one of our cousins tonight so I bet he was excited.
He smiled and played around in the dirt like every normal little kid would do. I did stop him by yelling at him not to run in the road. Besides that it was an okay walk home he was happy and joyful. When we got home, we had an hour before Eli left and my mom came home with liquor.
'Matter of time before you're gonna get hurt..'
I shook my head and waited my dad showed up first which was surprising. I said hi and how was work.
"Hey..I need you to cover again and say I'm with Derrick tonight deal? I'll buy you something okay?" He said in a low tone, and I can tell if I didn't he would beat my ass then and there. I nodded and was slowly dying inside..
'Again?...' my heart raced and he left with Eli to go take him to my Cousin's house for a sleep over. I put on music and cleaned the whole house waiting for my Mom to come home.
The door opened as she was almost blackout drunk. "Hi you filthy rat"...blackout.